6.15.2009

Friendship

In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets. Now that Charles [a good friend to Lewis and Tolkien] is dead, I shall never again see Ronald’s [Tolkien] reaction to a specifically Charles joke. For from having more of Ronald, having him “to myself” now that Charles is away, I have less of Ronald… In this, Friendship exhibits a glorious “nearness by resemblance” to heaven itself where the very multitude of the blessed (which no man can number) increases the fruition which each of us has of God. For every soul, seeing Him in her own way, doubtless communicates that unique vision to all the rest. (from CS Lewis’ essay entitled “Friendship.”)


I read this in Tim Keller's The Prodigal God. Spending time with friends and friends last night was amazing. It's funny, even animals can bring out things in people that wouldn't be as clear without them. My one regret last night was not coming together in prayer. At all. I love praying with friends. I love hearing hearts talk to our Heavenly Father. I don't like praying aloud because I'm so aware of the people in the room, perhaps almost always more aware of them than God, whom I'm trying to talk to. I was afraid of "ruining" my friend's time, and taking responsibility for that. I'm afraid of the "goody-goody" accuzation, possibly most. But I think prayer helps to set hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. I've been more hesitant to jump the gun on things that I think are good ideas, but I think it was the Holy Spirit putting that idea on my heart last night, not just me own. I'm thankful that I don't gain or lose points-there are no points for my failures, or successes as far as I know, or in a way that I could understand. I think I did rob myself and many others of joy that could have been had last night, by not doing what I ought to have done.

Prayer is one way to see God through different perspectives, like in C.S. Lewis's friendship essay. Playing fun games and chillin' is another way to see that, and I think prayer helps me get my heart right as I play Apples to Apples and eat delicious pizza. OR listen to music. I have to be careful to see the Grace in other's lives, and not just sin. I tend to see grace, and point out sin that would make the grace more evident. Which isn't helpful without that explaination at all. If Paul can say
I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, that in every way you were enriched in Him in all speech and all knowledge-- even as teh testimony about Christ was confirmed among you-- so that you are not lackign in any spiritual gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. - 1 Corinthians 1:4-9


I am fearful that everybody else is doing better spiritually than I am, and so don't want to bring up anything, because I'll feel ashamed. But aren't I supposed to walk in the light? Now I have guys to talk to about deep struggles. There are some girls who I can share things with that I wouldn't just share with everybody, but I think there are things that I should be sharing with during random parties for - my daily struggle to love Jesus as my treasure. By God's grace I'm going to work on this, but I'm still going to try to do it in a wiser way, which usually means I need to close my mouth more often, and listen more, while keeping in mind things above.

I just read in Spiritual Depression by David Martyn Lloyd-Jones this morning that he loves the Disciples, because they mess up again and again, and he can relate to that. I am amening that. I'm noticing a quite similarity with the Israelites too as I read the old testament.

Fighting for joy in Jesus,
Scotty

1.16.2009

when we "mulch it"




Illustrations and analogies are helpful for me in both understanding and remembering things. I don't really care that all analogies break down, because that's not the point of them. Matt Reagan gave an illustration of the Christian life.

How to eat sunflower seeds. (from the back of my patriot's choice sunflower seeds)
"Pop one in your mouth, crack the shell with your teeth, eat the kernel inside and spit out the shell. Got it?...Now, be a Pro! Pop a handful of seeds in your mouth and store in one cheek, transfer a seed over to the other side with your tongue, crack open, eat the kernel and spit out the shell. Repeat until your mouth is empty."

"To try really hard is NOT Christianity. It's every other religion, but not Christianity."
We say, try harder. We should say, "let it go." Quit trying. It's an endless battle, that has been won. But I need to learn to accept that.

I blew it.
He did it.
Accept it.

Matt Reagan was talking about how hard it is for him to eat seeds (a specific time, pretty sure in general though). He starts out fine, but he'll get distracted and eventually and inevitably "mulch it", not separate the seed from the shell, but chomp the whole thing at once, if you've ever eaten sunflower seeds, you know what he's talking about. Once you have the debris from that one, it's hard to continue with the rest. The point is not whether we mulch it or not. Jesus already did it perfectly! (yes, I think in this illustration, it is eating sunflower seeds perfectly... oh well).

My self-righteousness is always creeping, and constantly with me. It will be for the rest of my life, and is a sin that I will constantly need to confess and then repent for the rest of my life! Daunting? honestly, yeah. BUT it shouldn't be. When I commit a sin, I nearly? always commit another sin of self-righteousness. Probably always, to varying degrees. Did Jesus die for all my sin? past? present? future? yes! yes!! Well, this is a life-long learning process. Now what do I do with that? Sin that grace may abound? May it never be!


I don't know if this is true, but I think it probably is. I'll never be more or less sinful than I am right now. I thank God that I haven't committed some sins that bear with them consequences, like murder and drugs and rape and things, BUT I have the wickedness in me to do those things. Tim Keller also mentioned in his sermon this illustration: In Silence of the Lambs, the book, not the movie.
Officer Starling asks Hannibal Lector, "What must have happened to you to make you such a twisted person?"
"Why nothing happened to me, Officer Starling. I happened. You can't reduce me to a set of influences. Why, you've given up good and evil for behaviorism, Officer Starling. You've got everybody in moral dignity pants, nothing is ever anybody's fault. Look at me, Officer Starling. Can you stand to say I'm evil?" He nails her. He knows he makes her wonder- Am I like that? She doesn't want to admit she's not basically good.

The more we grow as Christians, the more we should realize our sinfulness. You ask Hitler if he was a bad man? He'd probably have said no. Ask the same question to Abraham Lincoln, and he probably would have responded "yes". Also, along with that, the more we grow as Christians, the more we see God's Glory. Andrew Knight gave this "Pac-man diagram" and it was so helpful for me. The point is that as we grow as Christians, we see God more clearly, and ourselves more clearly. He's greater and we're worse than we can ever imagine. That means that Jesus needs to become bigger in our lives. Paul didn't think he was good at the end of his life. He called himself the "chief of sinners". He understood his sinful inner being. And he understood how short he fell of the perfection demanded of him. And he understood that Jesus did it for him.





An accepted failure,
-Scotty

1.14.2009



Mr. Walsh sent me a sermon by Tim Keller titled: "War Between Your Selves" on Romans 7 that is full of truth, and my last post was a song from the musical version of Jekyll Hyde.

"So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin

Romans 7:21-25

"All of a life is a battle between two selves. But there's a different war before when you meet Christ, and after you meet Christ. The war before you meet Christ you cannot win; the war after you meet Christ you cannot lose... you're going to be in one of them"

"In the 10th commandment, you get a definition of sin. You see what all the other commandments are getting at: coveting."

Covetousness: not just wanting something. To inordinately want something. It's wanting anything more than God. Saying that there's something besides God, His love, and His salvation that I've got to have as a requirement for being happy. That's coveting and the essence of sin. It's the essence of what's wrong with the world, with you with me.

Coveting is not wanting it, but HAVING to have it. Paul coveted morality when he was Saul.

Religiousness is covetousness, and bringing us away from Jesus, not closer.

Tim Keller has the ability to put profound things simply, without losing their force, it's really incredible.

Dependent upon Christ,
-Scotty

12.23.2008

"Hm, I forgot how to start. All right: 1,2..."



ENSEMBLE:
There's a face that we wear
In the cold light of day -
It's society's mask,
It's society's way,
And the truth is
That it's all a façade!

There's a face that we hide
Till the nighttime appears,
And what's hiding inside,
Behind all of our fears,
Is our true self,
Locked inside the façade!

Every day
People, in their own sweet way,
Like to add a coat of paint,
And be what they ain't!

That's how our little -
Game is played,
Livin' like a masquerade
Actin' a bizarre charade -
While playing the saint!

But there's one thing I know,
And I know it for sure:
This disease that we've got
Has got no ready cure!
And I'm certain
Life is terribly hard -
When your life's a façade!

Look around you!
I have found
You cannot tell, by lookin' at the surface,
What is lurkin' there beneath it!
See that face!
Now, I'm prepared to bet you,
What you see's not what you get -
'Cause man's a master of deceit !

So, what is the sinister secret?
The lie he will tell you is true? -
It's that each man you meet
In the street
Isn't one man but two!

Nearly everyone you see -
Like him an' her,
An' you, an' me -
Pretends to be
A pillar of society -
A model for propriety -
Sobriety
An' piety -
Who shudders at the thought
Of notoriety!

The ladies an' gents 'ere before you -
Which none of 'em ever admits -
May 'ave saintly looks -
But they're sinners an' crooks!

Hypocrites!
Hypocrites!

There are preachers who kill!
There are killers who preach!
There are teachers who lie!
There are liars who teach!
Take yer pick, dear -
"Cause it's all a façade!

If we're not one, but two,
Are we evil or good?
Do we walk the fine line -
That we'd cross if we could?
Are we waiting -
To break through the façade?

One or two
Might look kinda well-to-do -
Hah! They're bad as me an' you,
Right down they're boots!

I'm inclined to think -
Half mankind
Thinks the other half is blind!
Wouldn't be surprise to find -
They're all in cahoots!

At the end of the day,
They don't mean what they say,
They don't say what they mean,
They don't ever come clean -
And the answer -
Is it's all a façade!
Is it's all a façade!
Man is not one, but two,
He is evil and good,
An' he walks the fine line
We'd all cross if we could!

It's a nightmare -
We can never discard -
So we stay on our guard -
Though we love the façade -
What's behind the façade?
Look behind the façade!


I think this song sums up life without Jesus fairly well.

9.18.2008

bolting for freedom... temporarily


this is the stained glass window in the chapel

this is where we meet for chapel and church, it looks sweeto at night.

this is a closer view of the guardrail, and brick.

this is a bridge my daddy designed, it's in Indiana, and i was driving and taking picture, so it was tricky. it's on I-465 or something, whatever the bypass is. i think there's 3 of them being put up.

the balcony at the crown center

this is a view out my window.



It's long, and rambly, for which i warn and apologize, but it took me longer to write, the amount of times that i've hit z,x,c,v, and b without any response are huge. then i must hit "B" and hit one of those other 4 letters quickly, and in turn, deleting that "b."

OKAY. I'm at Pensacola Christian College. My keyboard's "Z" through "B" keys don't work, unless i press and hold down "B" first, and then QUICKLY hit the other ones. weird. so bear with me as this takes very much longer than normal, and i have less than normal time. I'm not allowed to go onto really any sites at PCC. Desiringgod.org is blocked, and YES it was requested to be unblocked already. Yet Marshillchurch.org is not, and neither is the sermon jams site laura showed me. All internet is blocked. my email address is ssalzm7553@students.pcci.edu, where Gabby lovingly emails me her posts, i would appreciate any other posts you'd want to send me. ANY of your own (even the ones you think are silly) or really good ones from somebody else. helps me feel like there's a normal outside world.

i'm currently at panera bread at the mall, and ordered a chai tea latte something. it was delicious. i'm kind of still in dress code, so i'm hoping nobody comes and shoots me on sight. the reason i came here was to pay my bill.

ANYHOW. Update on my life, since I have nothing profound, and won't be able to read anything for the next month probably.

- I am on the 8th floor of Young tower, with 3 roommates.
- I'm a freshman, I had to take PCC's science classes anyhow, and the program starts sophomore year. there are 120 slots, and about 300 freshman, i believe
- There are many cool people down here, there's a 24 year old guy named Jonathan Tinnes who is ALSO a freshman nursing student. He makes me feel normal. other than the fact that he makes me feel short. he's 6'7''
- Most of the girls I've met so far make me appreciate the girls from BBC a lot more.
- The food is fine, but exceptionally greasy. There are frozen yogurt machines. there are 7 lines in one building, and 4 in the other. salads are always an option, and though they do have iceberg lettuce, they also have spinach, which I use instead.
- They've just added a 60 foot climbing wall that opened this monday, and also have indoor surfing?, and waterpark, which have not opened yet.
- The official campus pastor "Pastor Jackson" is awesome, Christ centered, and gospel oriented. (a lot of the rest of the staff makes me wonder.)
- I'm taking chemistry, biology (both have 3 hour labs), english, history, bible, and student success seminar.
- i just read "the purity principle" by Randy Alcorn for the third time and if you're a guy and haven't read it, you should, girls would probably benefit from it too, if not personally, then how to help guys (it's like 93 small pages)
- I'm ready "the Cross-Centered Life" by C.J. Mahaney, and it's fabulous. I think it's only 85 small pages, and very worthwhile.
- I REALLY want to go swing dancing, especially the lindyhop with Samwise.

Yeah. I'll stop listing things because it's not really a list anymore, just a paragraph separated by minuses.

The last few days not here were incredible. The weekend before I left was also wonderful, Chicago to visit cousins, Rachel, Emma, then Gabby and most of the Huertas. Much could be said about that weekend. But Wednesday night, I went over to the Huertas to drop off a book for Sami, and as always, though i was interrupting family time, Mr. Huerta welcomed me in. It started raining really hard. We hung out for a bit, Esteban fed me some delicious gormet chicken wrap that he had made. I'm pretty sure the Huertas pray together as a family every night (which I've been a part of a few times, and been told via telephone that I would be called later.) I was there when they prayed for Emma as they sent her back home (and off to college), which was sweet. Well, they did the same for me, and it was incredibly encouraging, it still is actually. And the Huertas have also been an example for me to follow me to pray more (because of this night and others), which has proven to be also a huge blessing. I thank God for their family, they have been more of a blessing in my life then I could ever dream to repay. When I left, I gave everyone a final last hug, and ran out to my car with an umbrella-wielding escort because it was pouring (thanks Micaela). doh. i had left the window open. I drove home feeling ridiculously well loved, and then packed until I basically passed out from tiredness. The next morning, I packed, and packed, and packed. It took longer than expected. I finally left at like 6:30 Thursday evening. I had told Gabby I'd come visit her sooner, but that didn't quite happen. I rolled in later and we sat and smoked cigars and talked for awhile. I wasn't tired because of coffee and I'm a night owl. Best cigar I've ever smoked. Not the smoking part, but just hanging out with Gabby by the lake. She's a wonderful friend, and is totally normal to hang out with- she's the closest thing to a sister you can have without being related. And though it's cliche- she really is a sister in Christ, and I'm sure her girl friends would amen that even more. i like her phone guidelines "family first, girls, THEN boys." I was happy to drive the last two hours to Chicago, don't know if i'd have made it without the stop at Madison.
Friday Saturday and Sunday I stayed at the Johnson's. Uncle Stu, Auntie Vicki (mom's sister), Joe, and Claire. (Deenie was at Bethel University- O the irony.) Auntie Vikki is an wonderful hostess, and makes good food/healthy snacks all the time, and finds joy in doing so, plus has god a great sense of humor that keeps me laughing. Uncle Stu is wonderful, laid back, and very friendly and outgoing. He makes all people feel welcomed and loved. He's the one who will go to the person who's alone at a party/gathering and engage them, and make them feel loved. "not a shy bone in his body." he loves going to see movies, usually the slightly more obscure ones. He took Joe and I to see Hellboy 2. I can't wait to see a movie with him at Christmas. Also, he's got a head full of silver white hair- it's awesome. Claire and Joe are both tall and rail thin. Both geniuses. Joe's currently going into business, and very good at it. Claire reads like none other, and is very very smart- she had to be in the marching band for band class, so we went to a football game to watch the half time show- and impressive show of James Bond: 007. From the Johnsons, I went to visit Emma (the same one we prayed for at the Huerta's), who lived a half hour away at Wheaton. I met her at her dorm, where she opened a care package from Micaela, and ate cheezits. she knew like 50 people already, the first week of school, and that's the type of person she is. Emma is a wonderful friend. She treated me like a good friend, though I'd known her for a month. Inside connections surely helped that, but I saw how she treated the guys and girls she had just met- and it was the exact same. One of the biggest hearts ever, and very fun to be with. She kept me laughing with her humor and quirky slang. We got coffee at the campus coffee place, and then played air hockey, shuffleboard, electric hockey (the little foosball type guys), and foosball. Then we went to McDonalds and I got an icecream cone (a tribute to scottie o'neal). She got a parfait. everybody loves a parfait. The next time we hung out, we went to starbucks and walked downtown wheaton, which was small. "i think we've already been here" said a couple we walked past, which made me laugh. She was meeting a friend at the train station, so I dropped her off there, and headed back.
I stayed until Monday. Sunday night was spent with Rachel, a good friend that I met through Benny a few thanksgivings ago. We cruised in her sweeto new car and listened to dominant spanish music (she's an MK from Bolivia who speaks fluent Spanish). She's got a 6 cd changer, and we've got similar taste in music, so it was an enjoyable ride. We got "the orphanage", because I'd seen Pan's Labyrinth , and it was really good. It was in spanish, so she understood it, but i found i needed the subtitles to catch more than 1/10th of it. It was scary, and not as good as the other one. I wouldn't recommend it at any rate. So before she left, we watched all of Orison Piper's youtube videos, and laughed really hard. "i love you, i love you, dern dern dern" was my favorite. I gave her a hug goodbye, and crashed. I woke up, and drove for like 14 hours. I slept off and on at a rest stop in tennessee, and woke up and drove 2 more hours to PCC. A guy named Dan helped me with everything. Now, I'm here. I have tons of homework every day, and it's hard to find "free-time". But it's not as bad as i thought. And I know God wanted me here. I have a bedtime of 11:00, so i usually lie awake in bed and pray for people (because i can't read my bible-no lights).

I didn't mention moving in Pears. I think Tuesday we moved her in. Carrying a carpet up 4 flights of skinny stairs, walking halfway around the dorm to get to her room. But it was good to see her place, and spend a last few hours with her. I miss her a ton. My family has been so supportive, my daddy and mum have helped me through everything, and have been praying for me constantly. Smash-o sent me a letter, on the front was drawn a lot of things with BIG RED DO NOT circles through them, including cell phones, music, and my favorite "whitty titey"- with a lovely drawing of men's undershorts :). I'm just reminiscing over the past few days. Benny is always the best brother, and my best friend. I miss him more than ever now, and miss the little things- like going home to lunch during work together, and laughing about dumb things. I'm trying to keep up through writing letters- so basically whenever i get around to it updates-like this, but they're more fun to receive, i've found. If I did not mention you in this blog, it does not mean I don't love you a lot. My battery is about to die, and i need to get back on campus. Maybe I should just list the rest of you on here. but i'm not going to. I just scrolled through the whole post and it's way too long. who will be the ones to read it? Christi, maybe? (this one might be pushing it.) I love all of my friends from Minnesota. I miss you all A LOT. I can't wait to see yall at Christmas.

much love,
-Scotty

P.S. If I were reading this post, I would first, if not eventually scroll down to see when it was going to end. So I'll put prayer requests down here.
please pray:
-That God would make me obsessed with the gospel, that Jesus would be of first importance in my life. That's really my biggest prayer down here at Pensacola. I'm not expecting it to happen overnight either. But I can't make that happen, genuinely, if at remotely at all.
-That I would become more like Christ and be more servant like - I've become increasingly selfish these last few years, so humility along with that.
-Diligence in studies, and daily devos. I'm going to start doing them early morning before class, and see how that goes.
-That God will be glorified through my life, and use me for His glory SOMEHOW while I'm at PCC. (or at the Air Force Reserves too)