The head nurse at our clinic posted this on my "wall" (where my name and picture is, plus a fish that gets little fish stickers on it when i do an extraordinary job) other than one of my FAVORITE nicknames as a child *ahem ben* it's a very useful doll. make sure you don't leave the store without one!

I interpret this as: ”If your eyeball flies out of your head through the window and bursts into flames, DO NOT use your IPOD”

I found this on some random blog trying to find an airplane sign for Junior High camp before Sunday! (yikes!) Made me laugh.

Currently Reading: The Reason For God by Timothy Keller

Though I'm in a state of "meh." this book is still pretty incredible. Some of my favorite quotes/lines from it thus far...

Christians, then, should expect to find nonbelievers who are much nicer, kinder, wiser, and better than they are. Why? Christian believers are not accepted by God because of their moral performance, wisdom, or virtue, but because of Christ's work on their behalf. Most religions and philosophies of life assume that one's spiritual status depends on your religious attainments. This naturally leads adherents to feel superior to those who don't believe and behave as they do. The Christian gospel, in any case, should not have that effect.

as C.S. Lewis puts it eloquently:

Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; locki it up save in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation.

Christian theology also speaks of the seriously flawed character of real Christians. A central message of the Bible is that we can only have a relationship with God by sheer grace. Our moral efforts are too feeble and falsely motivated to ever merit salvation. Jesus, through his death and resurrection, has provided salvation for us, which we receive as a gift. All churches believe this in one form or another. Growth in character and changes in behavior occur in a gradual process after a person becomes a Christian. The mistaken belief that a person must "clean up" his or her own life in order to merit God's prescence is not Christianity. This means, though, that the church will be filled with immature and borken people who still have a long way to go emotionally, morally, and spiritually. As the saying has it: "The church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints."

Jesus conducts a major critique of religion. His famous Srmon on the Mount (Matthew chapter 5, 6, and 7) does not criticize irreligious people, but rather religious ones. In his famous discourse the people he criticizes pray, give to teh poor, and seek to live according to the Bible, but they do so in order to get acclaim and power for themselves... ...This makes them judgemental and condemning, quick to give criticism, and unwilling to take it. They are fanatics. ... The God of Jesus and the prophets, however, saves completely by grace. He cannot be manipulated by religious and moral perfomrance--he can only be reached through repentance, through the giving up of power. If we are saved by sheer grace we can only become grateful, willing servents of God and of everyone around us.

convicting for me, mr. super pharisee... and a good reminder.

i must stuff charts for tomorrow's appointments now. goodnight.

sleep at last!

Though I missed out on swing dancing with some of my favorite people, I needed to sleep. When I woke up at 10 from first my alarm, then repeated "are you going dancing" calls, I don't think any girl being there would have changed my mind at that point. Had I known who was going before I had gone to sleep, I would have gone, and that would have been unwise. I had gotten less than 2 hours of sleep total each day for the last 3. Free coffee at work probably contributed to that quite a bit.

And I loved Gabby's mixes post. So I'll put the last few mixes I've listened to repeatedly whilst working out.

When I rowed on an erg (rowing machine) in Texas during tech school for the Air Force, I would listen to the Wicked soundtrack. Sometimes I have an urge to again, and sometimes when I give into that urge, I have no idea how I listened to it like 70 times straight through.

Skillet's Comatose is an excellent cd to work out to, there are maybe 2 tracks that don't work as well as the rest, but I just listen to that straight through too. It's better for intense lifting, or like sprinting, because it's incredibly intense. (usually when I run to it I'll be very inconsistent, because i burn myself out running to the beat.)

Incredible instrumental tracks:
Remember the Titan's Theme - My all time favorite song to run to.
Jim's Ride from A Man from Snowy River - always makes me sprint, I listen to that one up or downhill.
Ben from National Treasure - Probably another sprinting song, I use it for lifting.

But as much as I love running to music, people are way more better to run with. With NO music. Even if it's silent. Music takes away from running with somebody, i guess unLESS you're listening to the exact same mix.

okay. off to school. peace!

tattoo drawing.

it's a more different kind of drawing. it has to be more precise. but i guess i'm just doing sketches right now, so it doesn't matter. i think tattooos are dumb unless they A. Look INCREDIBLY sweet B. have INCREDIBLE meaning.

"There is no option C." -The Rock in The Rundown

anyhow. the one i'm trying to draw i personally think looks dumb, but it probably has some meaning. so it fails "A", and probably barely passes "B". my current task is to make it as close to passing "A" as possible. the reason i'm writing this post is because the heart on her upper chest above heart with her only daughter's name on it passed the second test, but failed the first.

The absolutely coolest tattoo I've ever seen in my entire life is on Staff Sergeant Volimas, a plumber in the Air Force Reserves with me. He reminds me of Mark Driscoll in the way that he loves his daughter. He's an awesome dad, he should have had more kids, but I don't think he will. Any how. He had the absoluetly best Tattoo ever.

He had his daughter (Maddie) make a hand print when she was in pre-school, and then he had a tattoo artist put it right over his heart (well, the left side of his chest, right where you THINK it should go.) It's a little green hand, the color of a standard tattoo. Now she'll come up to him when they're at the pool and be like "hey dad, look! my hand's bigger." she's a really cute very loved kid. And he's an awesome guy and dad. that's all!

I know my blogs are long, they're more helpful to me processing things. BUT I'm going to try going back through and highlighting and such to make it easier to read.

here we go. *completed* okay on second thought, fear of man kicking kicking in. it's a little obnoxious, but oh well.

Burning it's little heart out, my "juicy peach" "flavored" candle from yankee tried to motivate the cleaning of my room. To no avail. Pancakes at Garrett's beckoned. I was late, so I just talked with several people, and ate organic cocoa bean bits. 18 Dollars for a decent sized coffee bag like container. Smokes. it was like eating gold. caffeinated gold. that tasted "like dirt and coffeebeans, except a lot worse." That's what my sister Laura said, queen of weird organic foods. The taste was horrendous, the aftertaste was probably worse. It was after 10 minutes, where I had a slight chocolatey flavor in my mouth when I though, hmmm, those were kind of good! And the second pinch was worse. But still kind of addicting. Anyhow. Jesse came over afterwards and chilled in my room while I cleaned. That was the most motivating thing ever, having somebody with me when I cleaned. It was mostly silent (actually, mostly Nickel Creek playing, just not much talking), as he was reading a book, but it was probably the most helpful thing he could've done. It's kind of funny when you think about it, but nevertheless it was very helpful. The room's still messy, but much more cleaner.

At like 01:00, my shuffling Ipod turned to a sermon on the fear of man. It was from the New Attitude conference I believe, a pastor from Soverign Grace Ministries, but I don't recall his name and I don't want to look it up right now. Anyhow, it was ridiculously convicting and encouraging. It freed me so much... in my mind at least, practically I'm still a wretched sinner, but it was a good reminder and will help. It was basically a really short version of tbe book "When People are Big and God is small." Which I need to read at least once a week (and don't, obviously : P) I'm not going to be able to quote or probably even paraphrase well enough to do any sort of justice, but I'll just tell you the awesome things that I remember. SO often my view of myself is guided mainly by other's opinions of me. I'm controlled by what they MAY think of me. The potential criticism that I may receive shapes a lot of what I do, or if they need to be criticised or told that they're wrong, I don't want to alienate them or make them like me less. Though if you know me well that statement probably makes you snicker, because I do like criticism and have a very hard time controlling my mouth wisely in that area. BUT the reason I love criticism flows out of the same fear of man. I want to know why people don't like me, and change it. When people tell me straightup that I'm failing miserablly or even just failing, it makes me happy. Because they feel comfortable enough to tell me that, and then I have something I can DO to work on, and it appeals to my self-righteous heart. Well this is all 100% sinful, and it was so good to hear - BECAUSE he pointed it back to Jesus Christ. This analogy was helpful to me. He said we're clay being formed into cups (or jars of clay, whatev) and if we were already cup shaped, we wouldn't need to be formed anymore. We need to be molded and worked on... in my case a ridiculous amount. And I don't just say that as a "yeah, I'm sinful." no, I'm really sinful, rebelious, self-righteous and judgemental. ugh. BUT anyhow he was saying that's exactly why we have to be formed and molded into the image of Christ. BECAUSE WE'RE NOT THERE YET!! And there's nothing we can do to do that. Rather than looking at myself when I messed up horribly which I often do- thinking to myself "okay, what's God trying to teach my about myself?. I need to figure this out, fix it, and get over it." When what I should be thinking is "What is God trying to teach me about HIM?" I think He does point out sin in my life. Every day, usually it's different things. But it's my reaction that's wrong. It's a fear of man reaction of "okay, I this is why people don't like me! if I fix this sin, they'll like me more." Rather, I need to learn that God is showing my sin so that I can see Him more clearly, see the Gospel in a better light, have a better appreciation for the Cross. Kind of ironic that the sermon was like God telling me- SCOTTY you're so ridiculously self absorbed and proud and SINFUL!! But THEN - COME TO ME!! Sin will NEVER make you truly happy, joyful or peaceful. I WILL! I want you to trust in Jesus for your righteousness. I sent Him for YOU, and He's the only one who's going to make you fulfilled.
Deuteronomy 8:5 "Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the LORD your God disciplines you."
Hebrews 12:5-6 "And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

ahh. so good. I have nothing left to say.

"Bahahahahahaahahaha" - Spongebob

Most spontaneous incredible date today. But I first must contrast it with the wretchedness that led up to it (Sunday was fun, waking up was not). Saturday to Sunday night I got a half hour nap instead of a night's rest. I passed the test I was studying for with 87%, all I needed was a 70%, but it was nice to not be worried about failing. Well, then I had an incredible time at Luke's Graduation party. Wonderful friends, delicious food, rope swing, and swamp volleyball. Sitting with an alergic Greta and a shedding kitten or two in a sweet armchair, talking and laughing with everybody.
Afterparty we went to blockbuster with lets see... a lot of people in the "babemobile" or "chickmagnet". Heck yes, it served it's purpse well. There were lets see 8 girls? Unfortunately for Luke he was related to 3 of them. but STILL 5 girls is pretty good. What kind of sports car can you do that in? (also there were 3 boys besides Luke. For a grand total of 11? Though it's no Salzmobile crew (14 oftentimes in the Glory days), that's pretty sweet. With Gabby's generous supply of shared pixie sticks, celery sticks, and un-stick like movie, it's was quite a night. Exhaustion overwhelmed just about everybody, but everybody still laughed. Dumb & Dumber's not exactly a movie meant for girls, but they were good sports. To end the evening, Gabby dropped me off. Her incredibly smooth and others aware driving made up for the fact that I couldn't really make out a word she or Micaela said, until I moved to the middle and put all my energy towards listening. Which wasn't much, because i was toast. I drove home past about 30 police cars which sort of made me a teensy bit uneasy. I was like... OKAY! homework!! here WE COME! sit down on the futon for a secondzzzzzzzz. Awakened at 7:30 by Benny. Aren't you supposed to be at work? aww, peas.
Rush to find decent looking scrubs, because I know they're ALL dirty, but have no time to wash or iron. After tearing around for 3 minutes finding badge, Chem book and unfinished homework, I exited the door.Half dazed, I stumbled up the stairs, to my car, and my cellphone died. I was able to barely finish my homework while answering the nearly constantly ringing phone, and left at 9 to go to class. Afterwards I was going to take some portraits of Sami to draw for her recent birthday present. Well the cellphone was dead. After much thought I remembered her cellphone number, and she was busy. No problem, just dumb. "I just texted you" oh. my phone's dead. So then I went to best buy to get an external hardrive. For my laptop. BECAUSE... okay, this is why it was the worst day ever. My computer broke, likely erased every single picture and song on there. My most valuable possession on Earth. Probably around $5000 dollars worth of legal music, plus thousands of pictures, every single picture I've taken since I got my new camera, I've still got most of Juli's wedding pictures on my camera, but everything else- toast. More to come on that, I'm going to try to get it fixed.
So beginning of the End.
ANYHOW. After visiting Best Buy, I thought I should stop by the genius bar. He says to me "well, either your software failed, which you'd have to buy, or if your harddrive is under warranty, we can replace that. But if it's important information you need off of there, it costs hundreds to check out and goes up fast from there."
aww nuts. "hello Scotty." KIM?!
"Kimberly Marie! what are you doing here?" "Getting a free I-pod."
"you want to go get some coffee or something?" "no, I can't eat or drink for 5 hours." Sounds like all food or drink options would be terrible in that case.
what about... RIDES?!

OH it was incredible. We went on a rollercoaster... the "death drop" or something like that (which also happens to be a sweet swing dance move...) We held hands on that one, which made my day :). It was incredible. It wasn't scary at ALL, but it was so much fun. It was 100 percent loops and twists about. And Kim is incredibly easy to get along and chat with, which is one of the best qualities a girl can have in my opinion. It doesn't matter if a girl is nearly silent or extremely talkative, as long as they're comfortable. And then there were 8. Well all the 4 ticket rides were slightly less cool. We decided on the log chute, and Kim bought the remaining four points. It was a scary thought that Paul Bunyan might have been changed into spongebob themed or such, even though he didn't have much to do with Snoopy. Well good news. He's still in there. And dusty as can be. "that's a very big pancake." "that's a very dusty pancake." HEY BABE'S GONE! no he's down the first chute. "He's Blue!" "yeah..."

"Weeeeeeeeee!" That's what you say when you're having fun. You refer to yourself and other people.

SO an INCREDIBLE date with Kimberly. That term makes some uncomfortable, but I think it's descriptive. I know I won't be able to hang out with girls like that once I'm married, so it's not a good regular practice, but It was fully fun and fantastic. I'm glad I didn't turn around and go home like I was about to and just call the genius bar instead of going in. I mean, when I think about it, was a date with Kim worth possible lost everything on my computer? Probably not a trade I'd make, but if after all the hassle it ends up working? 100% so. But I'd still not trade today for really anything, so at this point, I'd say yes.

Sleep Deprived and Doing better than I deserve
-Scotty

Big Gulps, eh?

With my boxers showing through the bottom of my short Air Force running shorts, the XL Shake your boooooty shirt from Sadies 2003, 1 black & 1 white sock, Benny and I went running last night. He didn't look quite so ridiculous, but it was 23:00 and dark, so it mattered not. Just two shirtless skinny dudes running on the river road. Running with somebody is excellent. It's a good analogy to Christianity. Really it's like literally iron sharpening iron. "I'm not going to let him beat me, OR I want push him harder, so I'll keep right ahead of him." Alone, I want to quit, and oftentimes will. With somebody? I want to quit, but there's no way I will. And if you're training for a race it works out even better and there's verses about it. It's also a great time for conversation, we jogged a few blocks, streched, ran slow and talked, then turned around and started faster, increasingly to a sprint. Benny won by 20 feet. Just a dead spring uphill for 100 feet. We were talking about how sinful we are. I'm usually on one of two ends, either loving Jesus for some lesser benefit such as girls or respect OR the opposite of doing good in order to serve Jesus as though he needed me to, and benefitted greatly from it. Kim reminded me of something Pastor John said - that He enables us to do good works, so the very act of doing any good works further indebts us to Him.
Confessing sin is hard, but so good. It's such a lie that we're alone. And that's encouraging. Iron sharpening Iron. Luke has encouraged me a lot in this area as well. He's so good at pointing it right back on the Gospel, and Jesus. I usually get stuck on little things, or one thing. He's good at seeing the big picture of the little things. The body of Christ is incredible, but I don't really believe that most of the time. I am so thankful that it all depends on Christ's righteousness, not ours. So I'm not a writer, nor a good communicator, but that's what I've been thinking about lately. And I'm at work and all my tasks are done for the evening. I'm so blessed to have such incerdible friends and family in Christ. Maybe sometime I'll post on here things I love about each one of you like Gabby does, but now's not the time.

Welp, seeya later!

"BINGO!" - Gary Oldman, Leon: The Professional

Craziness ensues. Yesterday I went from having Monday and Thursday completely free, Friday free after 11:30 to completely booked for the rest of June. My work day starts at 07:30 and ends at 20:00 Monday - Friday. Intense. But it works perfectly, because I HAVE to get up for work at 7:30 every day get off at 9 for class, so I will make it to class every day without extra motivation of lunch with amazing friends, which helped a TON through the last semester. Though her "th" sound comes out as a "v" my professor is an incredible stuttering teacher. She talks incredibly fast, but stutters every other word so it gives time to write down. Plus I absolutely love accents, so it helps me to stay awake. That and the free coffee from work, no matter how bad the taste. It's like a half step up from church coffee, unless you're at a church meeting with Master Dau. Then it's starbucks brewed to perfection, and you can't go wrong there. I'm exciting about nursing, and excited about working hard to get an A in this class. AND JH camp is going to be incredible.
I like holding hands during prayer, it always makes me happy when I'm at a friend's house and everybody grabs the hand next to them. It creates even more sense of unity. And Dale Theile (TBI guy who's now a youth pastor in Cali) tried to instate that Bethlehem. Sometimes we did it, and it was excellent. Kind of funny though, he'd do that with us, and then tell us "yeah, I'd always try to stand next to cute girls." I like real people. Oftentimes I will overemphasize things to be beyond reproach in that aspect. I need to learn to shut my mouth. There's proverbs about how I'm a fool. A lot of them. Those make me go- doh! Rarely, though they should more, they make me depend on Christ for my strength. Because basically I am a weakness, but I'm more likely to compare myself to others rather than depend on Him.

I'm going to stop this madness and start more on a new post.
good-day mate!