"Hm, I forgot how to start. All right: 1,2..."

ENSEMBLE:
There's a face that we wear
In the cold light of day -
It's society's mask,
It's society's way,
And the truth is
That it's all a façade!

There's a face that we hide
Till the nighttime appears,
And what's hiding inside,
Behind all of our fears,
Is our true self,
Locked inside the façade!

Every day
People, in their own sweet way,
Like to add a coat of paint,
And be what they ain't!

That's how our little -
Game is played,
Livin' like a masquerade
Actin' a bizarre charade -
While playing the saint!

But there's one thing I know,
And I know it for sure:
This disease that we've got
Has got no ready cure!
And I'm certain
Life is terribly hard -
When your life's a façade!

Look around you!
I have found
You cannot tell, by lookin' at the surface,
What is lurkin' there beneath it!
See that face!
Now, I'm prepared to bet you,
What you see's not what you get -
'Cause man's a master of deceit !

So, what is the sinister secret?
The lie he will tell you is true? -
It's that each man you meet
In the street
Isn't one man but two!

Nearly everyone you see -
Like him an' her,
An' you, an' me -
Pretends to be
A pillar of society -
A model for propriety -
Sobriety
An' piety -
Who shudders at the thought
Of notoriety!

The ladies an' gents 'ere before you -
Which none of 'em ever admits -
May 'ave saintly looks -
But they're sinners an' crooks!

Hypocrites!
Hypocrites!

There are preachers who kill!
There are killers who preach!
There are teachers who lie!
There are liars who teach!
Take yer pick, dear -
"Cause it's all a façade!

If we're not one, but two,
Are we evil or good?
Do we walk the fine line -
That we'd cross if we could?
Are we waiting -
To break through the façade?

One or two
Might look kinda well-to-do -
Hah! They're bad as me an' you,
Right down they're boots!

I'm inclined to think -
Half mankind
Thinks the other half is blind!
Wouldn't be surprise to find -
They're all in cahoots!

At the end of the day,
They don't mean what they say,
They don't say what they mean,
They don't ever come clean -
And the answer -
Is it's all a façade!
Is it's all a façade!
Man is not one, but two,
He is evil and good,
An' he walks the fine line
We'd all cross if we could!

It's a nightmare -
We can never discard -
So we stay on our guard -
Though we love the façade -
What's behind the façade?
Look behind the façade!

I think this song sums up life without Jesus fairly well.

bolting for freedom... temporarily

this is the stained glass window in the chapel

this is where we meet for chapel and church, it looks sweeto at night.

this is a closer view of the guardrail, and brick.

this is a bridge my daddy designed, it's in Indiana, and i was driving and taking picture, so it was tricky. it's on I-465 or something, whatever the bypass is. i think there's 3 of them being put up.

the balcony at the crown center

this is a view out my window.



It's long, and rambly, for which i warn and apologize, but it took me longer to write, the amount of times that i've hit z,x,c,v, and b without any response are huge. then i must hit "B" and hit one of those other 4 letters quickly, and in turn, deleting that "b."

OKAY. I'm at Pensacola Christian College. My keyboard's "Z" through "B" keys don't work, unless i press and hold down "B" first, and then QUICKLY hit the other ones. weird. so bear with me as this takes very much longer than normal, and i have less than normal time. I'm not allowed to go onto really any sites at PCC. Desiringgod.org is blocked, and YES it was requested to be unblocked already. Yet Marshillchurch.org is not, and neither is the sermon jams site laura showed me. All internet is blocked. my email address is ssalzm7553@students.pcci.edu, where Gabby lovingly emails me her posts, i would appreciate any other posts you'd want to send me. ANY of your own (even the ones you think are silly) or really good ones from somebody else. helps me feel like there's a normal outside world.

i'm currently at panera bread at the mall, and ordered a chai tea latte something. it was delicious. i'm kind of still in dress code, so i'm hoping nobody comes and shoots me on sight. the reason i came here was to pay my bill.

ANYHOW. Update on my life, since I have nothing profound, and won't be able to read anything for the next month probably.

- I am on the 8th floor of Young tower, with 3 roommates.
- I'm a freshman, I had to take PCC's science classes anyhow, and the program starts sophomore year. there are 120 slots, and about 300 freshman, i believe
- There are many cool people down here, there's a 24 year old guy named Jonathan Tinnes who is ALSO a freshman nursing student. He makes me feel normal. other than the fact that he makes me feel short. he's 6'7''
- Most of the girls I've met so far make me appreciate the girls from BBC a lot more.
- The food is fine, but exceptionally greasy. There are frozen yogurt machines. there are 7 lines in one building, and 4 in the other. salads are always an option, and though they do have iceberg lettuce, they also have spinach, which I use instead.
- They've just added a 60 foot climbing wall that opened this monday, and also have indoor surfing?, and waterpark, which have not opened yet.
- The official campus pastor "Pastor Jackson" is awesome, Christ centered, and gospel oriented. (a lot of the rest of the staff makes me wonder.)
- I'm taking chemistry, biology (both have 3 hour labs), english, history, bible, and student success seminar.
- i just read "the purity principle" by Randy Alcorn for the third time and if you're a guy and haven't read it, you should, girls would probably benefit from it too, if not personally, then how to help guys (it's like 93 small pages)
- I'm ready "the Cross-Centered Life" by C.J. Mahaney, and it's fabulous. I think it's only 85 small pages, and very worthwhile.
- I REALLY want to go swing dancing, especially the lindyhop with Samwise.

Yeah. I'll stop listing things because it's not really a list anymore, just a paragraph separated by minuses.

The last few days not here were incredible. The weekend before I left was also wonderful, Chicago to visit cousins, Rachel, Emma, then Gabby and most of the Huertas. Much could be said about that weekend. But Wednesday night, I went over to the Huertas to drop off a book for Sami, and as always, though i was interrupting family time, Mr. Huerta welcomed me in. It started raining really hard. We hung out for a bit, Esteban fed me some delicious gormet chicken wrap that he had made. I'm pretty sure the Huertas pray together as a family every night (which I've been a part of a few times, and been told via telephone that I would be called later.) I was there when they prayed for Emma as they sent her back home (and off to college), which was sweet. Well, they did the same for me, and it was incredibly encouraging, it still is actually. And the Huertas have also been an example for me to follow me to pray more (because of this night and others), which has proven to be also a huge blessing. I thank God for their family, they have been more of a blessing in my life then I could ever dream to repay. When I left, I gave everyone a final last hug, and ran out to my car with an umbrella-wielding escort because it was pouring (thanks Micaela). doh. i had left the window open. I drove home feeling ridiculously well loved, and then packed until I basically passed out from tiredness. The next morning, I packed, and packed, and packed. It took longer than expected. I finally left at like 6:30 Thursday evening. I had told Gabby I'd come visit her sooner, but that didn't quite happen. I rolled in later and we sat and smoked cigars and talked for awhile. I wasn't tired because of coffee and I'm a night owl. Best cigar I've ever smoked. Not the smoking part, but just hanging out with Gabby by the lake. She's a wonderful friend, and is totally normal to hang out with- she's the closest thing to a sister you can have without being related. And though it's cliche- she really is a sister in Christ, and I'm sure her girl friends would amen that even more. i like her phone guidelines "family first, girls, THEN boys." I was happy to drive the last two hours to Chicago, don't know if i'd have made it without the stop at Madison.
Friday Saturday and Sunday I stayed at the Johnson's. Uncle Stu, Auntie Vicki (mom's sister), Joe, and Claire. (Deenie was at Bethel University- O the irony.) Auntie Vikki is an wonderful hostess, and makes good food/healthy snacks all the time, and finds joy in doing so, plus has god a great sense of humor that keeps me laughing. Uncle Stu is wonderful, laid back, and very friendly and outgoing. He makes all people feel welcomed and loved. He's the one who will go to the person who's alone at a party/gathering and engage them, and make them feel loved. "not a shy bone in his body." he loves going to see movies, usually the slightly more obscure ones. He took Joe and I to see Hellboy 2. I can't wait to see a movie with him at Christmas. Also, he's got a head full of silver white hair- it's awesome. Claire and Joe are both tall and rail thin. Both geniuses. Joe's currently going into business, and very good at it. Claire reads like none other, and is very very smart- she had to be in the marching band for band class, so we went to a football game to watch the half time show- and impressive show of James Bond: 007. From the Johnsons, I went to visit Emma (the same one we prayed for at the Huerta's), who lived a half hour away at Wheaton. I met her at her dorm, where she opened a care package from Micaela, and ate cheezits. she knew like 50 people already, the first week of school, and that's the type of person she is. Emma is a wonderful friend. She treated me like a good friend, though I'd known her for a month. Inside connections surely helped that, but I saw how she treated the guys and girls she had just met- and it was the exact same. One of the biggest hearts ever, and very fun to be with. She kept me laughing with her humor and quirky slang. We got coffee at the campus coffee place, and then played air hockey, shuffleboard, electric hockey (the little foosball type guys), and foosball. Then we went to McDonalds and I got an icecream cone (a tribute to scottie o'neal). She got a parfait. everybody loves a parfait. The next time we hung out, we went to starbucks and walked downtown wheaton, which was small. "i think we've already been here" said a couple we walked past, which made me laugh. She was meeting a friend at the train station, so I dropped her off there, and headed back.
I stayed until Monday. Sunday night was spent with Rachel, a good friend that I met through Benny a few thanksgivings ago. We cruised in her sweeto new car and listened to dominant spanish music (she's an MK from Bolivia who speaks fluent Spanish). She's got a 6 cd changer, and we've got similar taste in music, so it was an enjoyable ride. We got "the orphanage", because I'd seen Pan's Labyrinth , and it was really good. It was in spanish, so she understood it, but i found i needed the subtitles to catch more than 1/10th of it. It was scary, and not as good as the other one. I wouldn't recommend it at any rate. So before she left, we watched all of Orison Piper's youtube videos, and laughed really hard. "i love you, i love you, dern dern dern" was my favorite. I gave her a hug goodbye, and crashed. I woke up, and drove for like 14 hours. I slept off and on at a rest stop in tennessee, and woke up and drove 2 more hours to PCC. A guy named Dan helped me with everything. Now, I'm here. I have tons of homework every day, and it's hard to find "free-time". But it's not as bad as i thought. And I know God wanted me here. I have a bedtime of 11:00, so i usually lie awake in bed and pray for people (because i can't read my bible-no lights).

I didn't mention moving in Pears. I think Tuesday we moved her in. Carrying a carpet up 4 flights of skinny stairs, walking halfway around the dorm to get to her room. But it was good to see her place, and spend a last few hours with her. I miss her a ton. My family has been so supportive, my daddy and mum have helped me through everything, and have been praying for me constantly. Smash-o sent me a letter, on the front was drawn a lot of things with BIG RED DO NOT circles through them, including cell phones, music, and my favorite "whitty titey"- with a lovely drawing of men's undershorts :). I'm just reminiscing over the past few days. Benny is always the best brother, and my best friend. I miss him more than ever now, and miss the little things- like going home to lunch during work together, and laughing about dumb things. I'm trying to keep up through writing letters- so basically whenever i get around to it updates-like this, but they're more fun to receive, i've found. If I did not mention you in this blog, it does not mean I don't love you a lot. My battery is about to die, and i need to get back on campus. Maybe I should just list the rest of you on here. but i'm not going to. I just scrolled through the whole post and it's way too long. who will be the ones to read it? Christi, maybe? (this one might be pushing it.) I love all of my friends from Minnesota. I miss you all A LOT. I can't wait to see yall at Christmas.

much love,
-Scotty

P.S. If I were reading this post, I would first, if not eventually scroll down to see when it was going to end. So I'll put prayer requests down here.
please pray:
-That God would make me obsessed with the gospel, that Jesus would be of first importance in my life. That's really my biggest prayer down here at Pensacola. I'm not expecting it to happen overnight either. But I can't make that happen, genuinely, if at remotely at all.
-That I would become more like Christ and be more servant like - I've become increasingly selfish these last few years, so humility along with that.
-Diligence in studies, and daily devos. I'm going to start doing them early morning before class, and see how that goes.
-That God will be glorified through my life, and use me for His glory SOMEHOW while I'm at PCC. (or at the Air Force Reserves too)

Silent as a headphoneless ipod.

SO with that I'm off to a whopping good start. I love hearing what music people are into. Because usually I know and like the majority of the songs, and I then I learn about new ones, or names of ones that I also enjoy. My Current Favorites (I don't listen to the radio except for Pandora, so overplayed songs are generally not so for me).

Father & Son - Cat Stevens
Should've Known Better - The Beatles
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
Lucky - Colbie and Jason Mraz
Prima Donna - 1986 Broadway Cast Phantom of the Opera
Cats in the Cradle - Harry Chapin
Near to You - A Fine Frenzy
Your Song - Elton John/Ewan McGregor
Fantine's Death: Confrontation - Original London Cast: Les Miserables
I've Grown Accustomed to her - My Fair Lady
Piano Man - Billy Joel
Jesus, my only hope - Mark Altrogge
It's Gonna be Me - N'Sync
Only Jesus - Written by Mark Heinrich, Scott Alexander vocals - http://www.furtherup.com/worship.html (you can download it here for free.)

Music is good. Unfortunately not one of these various styles of songs will be allowed at PCC. Not even the worship songs.

I think that this is going to be THE hardest thing at Pepsicola. I think it will help me appreciate music more, appreciate worship more, and also keep me from idolizing music. Not that I do, but it's probably the most valuable material (sort of) possession. I've got several thousands of dollars worth of music on my computer, and Ipod. I think if I don't go crazy, it will make me more creative. A lot of the basics in life are *poof* gone. My roommate said "you get what you pay for, and you didn't' pay for the privilege of listening to music." thanks Garrett. and then laughs, because he knows it's funny.

or K Dau said "the Bible doesn't tell us to put ourselves INTO tribulation."

or my childhood best friend Andy "Drow" - "it builds character."
Ben - "or craziness"
Drow - "that's character."

We'll see what the Lord has in store. I'm excited to be surprised.

peace.
-Scotty

oh. and i MAY be leaving for the school year this friday morning. not 100% sure, but close. just found out this morning.

Petey Jones: [has hand raised for a high-five and is smiling]
Coach Boone: Put your hand down.
[Petey does as told]
Coach Boone: You're smiling.
Petey Jones: Yes.
Coach Boone: Yes, sir. Why are you smiling?
Petey Jones: 'Cause I love football. Football is fun.
Coach Boone: Fun, sir? It's fun?
Petey Jones: Yes.
Coach Boone: You sure?
Petey Jones: I think...
Coach Boone: Now you're thinkin'. First you smile, then you thinkin'. You think football is still fun?
Petey Jones: Uh, yes.
Coach Boone: Sir.
Petey Jones: Yes- no, sir.
Coach Boone: No?
Petey Jones: Um, it was fun.
Coach Boone: Not anymore though, is it? *Is* it?
Petey Jones: Not right now, no.
Coach Boone: No, it's not fun anymore. Not even a little bit.
Petey Jones: Uh... no.
Coach Boone: Make up your mind. Think since you're thinking. Go on, think. Is it fun?
Petey Jones: No, sir.
Coach Boone: No? Absolutely not?
Petey Jones: Zero fun, sir.
Coach Boone: [addresses team] All right, listen up! I'm Coach Boone. I'm gonna tell you about how much... *fun* you're gonna have this season.

ha. pre-pepsicola.

If only is so very dumb.
it gives false hopes, and makes me numb.
to dwell within regrets is wretched
presidency was a bit far-fetched.

so i decide to just make do
to take my life, and give it a go
down to pepsicola, but i dont think i can drink
i'll have stories, more than i think.

i got detention today, my shirt was not ironed enough
i bumped into a girl, while texting a friend
it might just be my last mistake, though it depends.
i may be able to survive, if i go into monkdom

Pensicola Christian College.

Why I'm excited to go to probably the most legalistic (so it seems) Christian college in the nation.

1. God was the one who set it up.
2. It's uber cheap.
3. One of the best Nursing programs in the nation.
4. Jeff Dreblow.
5. It's a 4 year degree.

Okay, number 1 and 4 are similar. It's a cool story, that's clearly all God.
I think the coolest part began Wednesday, July 30. Master Luke called me at some point that evening and told me that he just found out he couldn't lead the Thursday night Bible study and if I would take over. Up to that point, I'd been working till 8 on Thursdays, so I had very little idea of what the nights were supposed to look like. I had nothing prepared, so I printed out 3 of my favorite worship songs, grabbed "Mornings & Evenings" by Charles Spurgeon, and bought 2 bags of strawberry twizzlers, the kind that has 9 separate pieces that you can peel apart. I felt like I had had ample time to prepare SOMETHING. I learned a lesson recently, right? mmm. okay. I've got nothing. "Heavenly Father I've got nothing, but I'd really like you to show up tonight, to encourage others, not for my glory. In fact, have somebody else have better ideas than me, so that I know it was all you, and nobody has any inkling that any part of it was because of me." It went something like that.

We ate hot dogs, chips, apples and Anna and Esther made cup cakes for us.

We moved to the grass, sat in a circle, and sang All I Once Held Dear, Only Jesus, and Inside Out. It wasn't an amazing sound, but it was good. Solid real lyrics helped me worship, and keep me from being distracted by the fact that only a handful people knew Inside out, and without the "yeaaaaaaahs" it was off. After passing around the twizzlers, I read July 30th's Evening devotion for the first time. It was about worshiping constantly, and how that worked in the temple. I think they always end with thought provoking questions so you have something to dwell on all day/evening. That started us off. Several people shared what God was doing in their lives, things they were learning, encouragement, discussion. Okay, why don't we pray. Laura said "can we split up guys and girls?" yeah. Good idea. Guys can do 2 groups, girls all together. "Forget that. We're going all together." Amidst constant mosquitoes feeding out of our flesh, the guys each shared prayer requests. It took a long time. I wanted to be different "lets pray for the person across to the left." "Scott, why don't we just pray for the person on our right, it'll be so much easier." "okay." Okay, why don't we have one person close, and all be praying for the person over the next week.

Friday I got an encouraging wallpost from Sam, that he was encouraged by Thursday night. "Thank you, Lord!" Later Hannah said similar, "even though I didn't say anything, I felt really refreshed by Thursday night." "Thank you, Lord!" I was encouraged. God answered my prayer because he loves me.

Saturday. Reserves. I got to teach a self-aid/buddy care class, which was fun. I asked permission to leave for a bit tomorrow to go to the International Airport, 5 minutes away. "as long as you're back in time to sign in." thank you sir.

Sunday. Family Day. At 11:30 I got to switch into civilian clothing and my whole family came out to spend a few hours. We ate good hot dogs and brats, kettle chips, potato salad and a m&m chocolate chip cookie. A lot of fun stuff to do, all free. 3 different inflatable climbing and jumping things. Sumo wrestling. A Jet to take pictures in. Snow cones, popcorn. Fire hose. Tricycles. Caricatures. Hot rods. A freaky clown with balloons. It was all fun, but I was most excited because the Ireland team was coming in that afternoon. at 3? Benny is probably the best brother ever. If ever ask him to do anything or come anywhere, he always puts me as a priority and says yes. Only in extreme circumstances where he already has big plans will he say no. Do you want to come greet the Ireland team with me? You did support Gabby, so it's not that weird and you know everybody else. Okay. We drove over at 3 and seconds before we drove to the parking ramp, Micaela called and told me that they'd be there at 3:45. We went back, and played tennis at the base. We arrived a minute after the team, which was perfect timing, because of course they all wanted to see their families first. I wish I had been there to take some pictures, but that was also covered. It was soooo good to see them. And hugs after 2 weeks of not seeing somebody are sweet. Even when they all have backpacks and luggage.
Basically I just gave a hug to everybody, and then left, because I had to be back at the base to sign out/get in on the meeting).

Benny who told me later he was planning on just taking a nap came in, because I asked him to. Meet the guys. There's several cool guys, one of them is a 25, a Christian and very excited about engineering. They would get along well. But he didn't really talk to him. Instead he talked to Staff Sargent Kevin McGuire. Also a Christian. He talked to him for like 15 minutes, he didn't talk to a bunch of guys, just him. About college? Benny's graduated. He doesn't need to go to college. Maybe they were discussing graduating college, because SSgt McGuire's daughter just graduated too. From Pensacola Christian College. They've got a great nursing program. Really affordable. Really weird and legalistic, which I don't like, but it's a good school. (I overheard some of the conversation, part of it I'm just repeating what Benny told me when he got in the car). Sunday night everybody was crabbing and fighting. Laura has a one track mind and this time was trying to convince me go to some Georgia college because of Campus Outreach. She was thinking of me, she wanted to help me out. She just got back from Beach Project with Campus Outreach which was awesome. "Laura, I don't care about Campus Outreach." I've never been that connected to Campus outreach, but have been loosely connected basically since Benny started being discipled by Big A. Maybe it's because "Salz" is taken, and I'm a little brother. I don't know, but it's just never really clicked. Anyhow, she kept on listing off 10 good reasons I should go there. To me, her only reason was Campus Outreach was on campus there and she was trying to find other reasons to get me there, because of C.O. AHHHHH!!! LAURA. SHUT UP! mom, calmly next to me. "scottttt, you can't say shut up to Laura, that's rude, and offensive and unkind (something to that extent." "I know, but Laura, just shut up." (reasoning with her doesn't help, and I was maxed out. and crabby.) I never do this, but after I apologized to Laura quickly, because I knew I was wrong, I left. I drove away. Mom was trying to help me look for colleges, but I couldn't take it anymore. Being the good mother she is, she called me later, "Scott, I looked at Pensacola, and it looks really good." It's got some weird quirks, but it looks good, and the nursing program is accredited.

Alright, I'm going to do this. What do I need to do? Transfer to an AF base down there. Google search: Air Force Reserve Bases, FL. First Answer: 10.1 hours away, opposite part of the state. Aww, Peas. I guess I COULD do it. Georgia's probably closer than THAT. Went to the Air Force Reserves sites. ALL Reserve Bases. Egland. 1 Hour, 10 minutes away. Heck, some guys drive from South Dakota for drill in MN. That's nothing! Gosh, I know somebody was praying for me, but who would be praying for me? Wait, who was sitting on my left? was it Prater? nope.. hmmm. The thought passed, and I forgot about it.

Thursday August 7th. After group. Jeff Dreblow comes and sits next to me. "Hey Scott, I really struggle praying for people. Like in my small group, I pray for the guy the 1st day. And I'm really bad at being consistent." At first I was like "what the heck would inspire such a confession?" *ZOIP* it hit me. I got REALLY excited!! I WAS LIKE OH MY GOSH!!!!!! and he continued and was like but for some reason it was on my heart to pray for you every day. JEFF... And I told him.

God answered my plea for help. This was the prayer request I shared with the guys a week before, which Jeff prayer for. Okay. I'm 22, most people my age are graduated with a 4 year degree. I haven't applied to any community colleges for this fall yet, I've slacked. The nursing programs are so competitive, that there's a waiting list anyhow, so it probably won't be for years. I feel lack of purpose, direction, and like I'm going to end up never doing anything. I have no "one pure and holy passion." I AM slothful in Zeal and am NOT fervent in spirit. That's as much as I remember, that and the fact that I know I whined more, and knew it. oh. THAT AND the fact that my head and heart don't connect like they should.

Because my prayers were answered, my faith is increased. It's as if God's like, here. Believe! in your Heart! I'm certainly a Doubting Thomas. And He's showing me his scars. It's Me.

I'm not posting this until I know everything else though. But I wanted to record the story as fresh as I could remember, though I'll still remember it in years.

Okay. I'm back a few days later. I'm scrambling about filling out forms, this afternoon I'll go the the base here and take care of transferring down to Fl. This is the tricky thing for summer and Christmas. Hopefully they'll let me do "courtesy drills" up here during the summer, but some places don't like doing them.

I'm going to miss my family, especially Benny, who is the best brother in the world.
It will be hard to depart my small group with Andys and Tommy.
I'm going to miss being in the family's small group- the Huertas, Petersons and Wymans.
I'm going to miss wearing NOT sweater vests. = P
But I feel like this is a God thing, so I'm not worried.

I'm looking forward to seeing everybody this Winter.

Pepsicola Probable Potential Pupil,
-Scotty

spontaneous friday morning post. I posted the picture justbecause I was listening to Pandora yesterday, and was like WOAH. He still looked COOL. So try to follow my thought processes if you dare...

the king of pop, before. how cool would he be if he still looked like this?! personally, regardless of his ridiculousness, I stil think he's an incredible dancer/singer. what God given talent. that would be sweet to be a street entertainer and perform his songs (like the guy we saw in peru). what changes a man to turn into such a weirdo? money? pride? fear of man? he seems almost extra-human to me, just because of how freakish his appearance has become, but he's got a soul. he's an eternal being just like every other person we'll ever see. that's something that i need to be constantly reminded of. I almost always treat stupid people just like they are. they're rude, obnoxious, selfish, etc. I treat them like that. I'm like the dude in the parable who's been forgiven 200,000 YEARS wages, and strangles the guy who owes him 100 DAYS wages. there's lots of things I could say to "justify" myself, but really who am I kidding. If I had what Jesus did on the cross for me at all times, or even MORE often for than I do now that matter. "Who can be arrogant next to the cross?". Or for that matter, who can not forgive? My little sense of justice that forgets about eternity demands that immediate correction is realized. Yet the many times I've done the exact same thing, I feel that I should be forgiven.

Should I be?

Master Luke had good thoughts on this last night, as did others. A habitual sin that we mess up on continually? Well, who are we kidding. Almost every sin we do, with different "symptoms" I suppose. For example, when I'm feeling depressed, my escapes are sleeping, movies, buying stuff. Some people eat food. Escapes? or Quick "fixes". So basically I do something to make myself feel happy for that moment. But the problem isn't that I'm feeling depressed, the problem is that I'm not finding my joy in Christ or treasuring Him. Probably not even thinking about Him, or maybe thinking He doesn't like me right now. I need to get my act together, once I'm "close to Him" on my own legalistic strength, I can come to Him again.

I need to be reminded of the Gospel daily.

He came for sinners. Who is not included in that category?! Who deserves to be saved of ALL their sin? Who's filthy rags can merit just ONE sin being forgiven?! The fact that the they exist is only because of Him in the first place. Further indebtedness. And it's NOT bad news! It's the best news EVER! What if my salvation was up to me? This is the difference of Christianity and all other religions. I liked what Hannah said. She says her habitual sin keeps her on her face before God. This is the cooorecct reponse. For it is by Grace you have been saved, by faith and this not of yourselves. It is a gift of God, not by works so that no one can boast. And He remains faithful.

Straining Toward the Goal

Philippians 3:12
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.

-Scotty

Green Eyes.

Emma.
I chose poorly, I thought the contrast of the green and red would be sweet, but it's just a bad color for skin. oh well. her eyes are pretty, which was kind of the main point.

Chum 3 and Chum 2
Esteban and Jack

Emma.

I listened to a Tim Keller sermon titled "How to Change" on Galatians 5:22 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."

What does spitting it back do for anybody else? probably not that much, but it helps me process it, to understand more of it better (I'm adding some of my own thoughts too, anything that's not awesome is probably my thought :)

Change in the Christian life is like fruit. You can never see fruit grow on a tree. It's so gradual, so subtle, and takes so long. BUT it happens! We know it happens! EVEN in the WINTER it grows. It looks dead. for a LONG time (especially here). But it's growing.

Fruit. Not Fruits. They're "symmetrical" It's easy to fake one or to have one but it not be a fruit of the spirit. There are "sweethearts" that even if they weren't Christians would still be sweethearts, that's just their personality. Tim Keller had a "companion" fruit for each fruit. Like the exact opposite... I'll probably listen to it again.

and the fruit is the fruit of the SPIRIT. He does it in us. we don't do it. like a seed, we can prepare the soil, water and such, but God grows the plant. If there's a dead seed, you can do everything PERFECTLY, and nothing will happen. It won't grow. Anyhow. better not drift too far with my own analogies, because they all break down, but the ones in the Bible all have a good point to make, and are God's word, so you can't mess.

I've gotta get back to work now. I think I'll listen to the sermon again, and revise this.

keep pressing on!!
-Scotty

Got Content?

As I dressed my sister's doll in cute clothing, I thought to myself, I want to get married and have daughters when I grow up. This was also the point in my life when I didn't see why I couldn't marry my mom. (I think I was about 7)(Also I was incredibly ashamed of playing with dolls [actually looking back it was more accessorizing], because dudes ain't supposed to. And my sister would use it against me when my friends were over) I learned a few things since, but the desire to have a woman to love for the rest of my life has not.
Yet I've also never seriously considered marrying anyone, or even getting married, or what that would look like for me. But that's not my concern at the moment.

I think besides my relationship with Christ and doing his will, marriage will be the best thing on this Earth. I know this is an arguable point, but I that also is not what I'm getting at. After hearing Mark Batluck put it so simple and straightforward, it has been on my mind since. And also my smallgroup leader challanged us with a thought from a friend of his on Luke 14:15-35, specifically verse 20.

Still another said, "I just got married, I can't come."

Batty's point was this: You're discontent in your singleness? You don't need a girlfriend/boyfriend, or even simply be more content being single forever, you need Jesus. He went on to other things besides relationships, such as money, possessions,
and any other longings or desires. Whatever the thing is I want, getting it wont make me happy, I need Jesus, not that thing. A good example of this is a kid who gets a sweeto new toy. There is no toy that I've ever wanted that I still LOVE now. My starwars guys are cool. and in a box somewhere. But everything besides Jesus deteriorates in value.

One Life, Twill soon be past, only what's done for Christ will last

The Luke passage: His friend said this, it sounds very harsh.

"A honeymoon can lead to Hell."

[If I wanted a catchy title like Gabby always has (but hers actually relate) I would've used this one. It kind of relates, but my post is nothing profound or new.]
Anyhow, he was saying the same thing, don't idolize marriage, and put off your relationship with Jesus, or put it as anything other than number one priority.

K Dau said that ultimately, it's not about my happiness, but God's glory. I want a marriage that Glorifies Him.

But I was thinking today. About how boring work is, which continued... The same old thing every day. I love it sometimes, but others it can get excessively tedious. If I'm fully satisfied in Christ, and He is everything to me, then I should be joyful at work, and when I'm bored. And when I'm having the most fun ever with my friends. It should be an overflowing of joy from Jesus that gets me excited. And that's my prayer for myself and my friends. That their lives will be so joyfilled by Christ's love for them, among other things, and not fufilled by things of this world, or tried to be neither.

keep fighting soldier [though more appealing to guys, that's for girls too = )]
-Scotty

The head nurse at our clinic posted this on my "wall" (where my name and picture is, plus a fish that gets little fish stickers on it when i do an extraordinary job) other than one of my FAVORITE nicknames as a child *ahem ben* it's a very useful doll. make sure you don't leave the store without one!

I interpret this as: ”If your eyeball flies out of your head through the window and bursts into flames, DO NOT use your IPOD”

I found this on some random blog trying to find an airplane sign for Junior High camp before Sunday! (yikes!) Made me laugh.

Currently Reading: The Reason For God by Timothy Keller

Though I'm in a state of "meh." this book is still pretty incredible. Some of my favorite quotes/lines from it thus far...

Christians, then, should expect to find nonbelievers who are much nicer, kinder, wiser, and better than they are. Why? Christian believers are not accepted by God because of their moral performance, wisdom, or virtue, but because of Christ's work on their behalf. Most religions and philosophies of life assume that one's spiritual status depends on your religious attainments. This naturally leads adherents to feel superior to those who don't believe and behave as they do. The Christian gospel, in any case, should not have that effect.

as C.S. Lewis puts it eloquently:

Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; locki it up save in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation.

Christian theology also speaks of the seriously flawed character of real Christians. A central message of the Bible is that we can only have a relationship with God by sheer grace. Our moral efforts are too feeble and falsely motivated to ever merit salvation. Jesus, through his death and resurrection, has provided salvation for us, which we receive as a gift. All churches believe this in one form or another. Growth in character and changes in behavior occur in a gradual process after a person becomes a Christian. The mistaken belief that a person must "clean up" his or her own life in order to merit God's prescence is not Christianity. This means, though, that the church will be filled with immature and borken people who still have a long way to go emotionally, morally, and spiritually. As the saying has it: "The church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints."

Jesus conducts a major critique of religion. His famous Srmon on the Mount (Matthew chapter 5, 6, and 7) does not criticize irreligious people, but rather religious ones. In his famous discourse the people he criticizes pray, give to teh poor, and seek to live according to the Bible, but they do so in order to get acclaim and power for themselves... ...This makes them judgemental and condemning, quick to give criticism, and unwilling to take it. They are fanatics. ... The God of Jesus and the prophets, however, saves completely by grace. He cannot be manipulated by religious and moral perfomrance--he can only be reached through repentance, through the giving up of power. If we are saved by sheer grace we can only become grateful, willing servents of God and of everyone around us.

convicting for me, mr. super pharisee... and a good reminder.

i must stuff charts for tomorrow's appointments now. goodnight.

sleep at last!

Though I missed out on swing dancing with some of my favorite people, I needed to sleep. When I woke up at 10 from first my alarm, then repeated "are you going dancing" calls, I don't think any girl being there would have changed my mind at that point. Had I known who was going before I had gone to sleep, I would have gone, and that would have been unwise. I had gotten less than 2 hours of sleep total each day for the last 3. Free coffee at work probably contributed to that quite a bit.

And I loved Gabby's mixes post. So I'll put the last few mixes I've listened to repeatedly whilst working out.

When I rowed on an erg (rowing machine) in Texas during tech school for the Air Force, I would listen to the Wicked soundtrack. Sometimes I have an urge to again, and sometimes when I give into that urge, I have no idea how I listened to it like 70 times straight through.

Skillet's Comatose is an excellent cd to work out to, there are maybe 2 tracks that don't work as well as the rest, but I just listen to that straight through too. It's better for intense lifting, or like sprinting, because it's incredibly intense. (usually when I run to it I'll be very inconsistent, because i burn myself out running to the beat.)

Incredible instrumental tracks:
Remember the Titan's Theme - My all time favorite song to run to.
Jim's Ride from A Man from Snowy River - always makes me sprint, I listen to that one up or downhill.
Ben from National Treasure - Probably another sprinting song, I use it for lifting.

But as much as I love running to music, people are way more better to run with. With NO music. Even if it's silent. Music takes away from running with somebody, i guess unLESS you're listening to the exact same mix.

okay. off to school. peace!

tattoo drawing.

it's a more different kind of drawing. it has to be more precise. but i guess i'm just doing sketches right now, so it doesn't matter. i think tattooos are dumb unless they A. Look INCREDIBLY sweet B. have INCREDIBLE meaning.

"There is no option C." -The Rock in The Rundown

anyhow. the one i'm trying to draw i personally think looks dumb, but it probably has some meaning. so it fails "A", and probably barely passes "B". my current task is to make it as close to passing "A" as possible. the reason i'm writing this post is because the heart on her upper chest above heart with her only daughter's name on it passed the second test, but failed the first.

The absolutely coolest tattoo I've ever seen in my entire life is on Staff Sergeant Volimas, a plumber in the Air Force Reserves with me. He reminds me of Mark Driscoll in the way that he loves his daughter. He's an awesome dad, he should have had more kids, but I don't think he will. Any how. He had the absoluetly best Tattoo ever.

He had his daughter (Maddie) make a hand print when she was in pre-school, and then he had a tattoo artist put it right over his heart (well, the left side of his chest, right where you THINK it should go.) It's a little green hand, the color of a standard tattoo. Now she'll come up to him when they're at the pool and be like "hey dad, look! my hand's bigger." she's a really cute very loved kid. And he's an awesome guy and dad. that's all!

I know my blogs are long, they're more helpful to me processing things. BUT I'm going to try going back through and highlighting and such to make it easier to read.

here we go. *completed* okay on second thought, fear of man kicking kicking in. it's a little obnoxious, but oh well.

Burning it's little heart out, my "juicy peach" "flavored" candle from yankee tried to motivate the cleaning of my room. To no avail. Pancakes at Garrett's beckoned. I was late, so I just talked with several people, and ate organic cocoa bean bits. 18 Dollars for a decent sized coffee bag like container. Smokes. it was like eating gold. caffeinated gold. that tasted "like dirt and coffeebeans, except a lot worse." That's what my sister Laura said, queen of weird organic foods. The taste was horrendous, the aftertaste was probably worse. It was after 10 minutes, where I had a slight chocolatey flavor in my mouth when I though, hmmm, those were kind of good! And the second pinch was worse. But still kind of addicting. Anyhow. Jesse came over afterwards and chilled in my room while I cleaned. That was the most motivating thing ever, having somebody with me when I cleaned. It was mostly silent (actually, mostly Nickel Creek playing, just not much talking), as he was reading a book, but it was probably the most helpful thing he could've done. It's kind of funny when you think about it, but nevertheless it was very helpful. The room's still messy, but much more cleaner.

At like 01:00, my shuffling Ipod turned to a sermon on the fear of man. It was from the New Attitude conference I believe, a pastor from Soverign Grace Ministries, but I don't recall his name and I don't want to look it up right now. Anyhow, it was ridiculously convicting and encouraging. It freed me so much... in my mind at least, practically I'm still a wretched sinner, but it was a good reminder and will help. It was basically a really short version of tbe book "When People are Big and God is small." Which I need to read at least once a week (and don't, obviously : P) I'm not going to be able to quote or probably even paraphrase well enough to do any sort of justice, but I'll just tell you the awesome things that I remember. SO often my view of myself is guided mainly by other's opinions of me. I'm controlled by what they MAY think of me. The potential criticism that I may receive shapes a lot of what I do, or if they need to be criticised or told that they're wrong, I don't want to alienate them or make them like me less. Though if you know me well that statement probably makes you snicker, because I do like criticism and have a very hard time controlling my mouth wisely in that area. BUT the reason I love criticism flows out of the same fear of man. I want to know why people don't like me, and change it. When people tell me straightup that I'm failing miserablly or even just failing, it makes me happy. Because they feel comfortable enough to tell me that, and then I have something I can DO to work on, and it appeals to my self-righteous heart. Well this is all 100% sinful, and it was so good to hear - BECAUSE he pointed it back to Jesus Christ. This analogy was helpful to me. He said we're clay being formed into cups (or jars of clay, whatev) and if we were already cup shaped, we wouldn't need to be formed anymore. We need to be molded and worked on... in my case a ridiculous amount. And I don't just say that as a "yeah, I'm sinful." no, I'm really sinful, rebelious, self-righteous and judgemental. ugh. BUT anyhow he was saying that's exactly why we have to be formed and molded into the image of Christ. BECAUSE WE'RE NOT THERE YET!! And there's nothing we can do to do that. Rather than looking at myself when I messed up horribly which I often do- thinking to myself "okay, what's God trying to teach my about myself?. I need to figure this out, fix it, and get over it." When what I should be thinking is "What is God trying to teach me about HIM?" I think He does point out sin in my life. Every day, usually it's different things. But it's my reaction that's wrong. It's a fear of man reaction of "okay, I this is why people don't like me! if I fix this sin, they'll like me more." Rather, I need to learn that God is showing my sin so that I can see Him more clearly, see the Gospel in a better light, have a better appreciation for the Cross. Kind of ironic that the sermon was like God telling me- SCOTTY you're so ridiculously self absorbed and proud and SINFUL!! But THEN - COME TO ME!! Sin will NEVER make you truly happy, joyful or peaceful. I WILL! I want you to trust in Jesus for your righteousness. I sent Him for YOU, and He's the only one who's going to make you fulfilled.
Deuteronomy 8:5 "Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the LORD your God disciplines you."
Hebrews 12:5-6 "And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

ahh. so good. I have nothing left to say.

"Bahahahahahaahahaha" - Spongebob

Most spontaneous incredible date today. But I first must contrast it with the wretchedness that led up to it (Sunday was fun, waking up was not). Saturday to Sunday night I got a half hour nap instead of a night's rest. I passed the test I was studying for with 87%, all I needed was a 70%, but it was nice to not be worried about failing. Well, then I had an incredible time at Luke's Graduation party. Wonderful friends, delicious food, rope swing, and swamp volleyball. Sitting with an alergic Greta and a shedding kitten or two in a sweet armchair, talking and laughing with everybody.
Afterparty we went to blockbuster with lets see... a lot of people in the "babemobile" or "chickmagnet". Heck yes, it served it's purpse well. There were lets see 8 girls? Unfortunately for Luke he was related to 3 of them. but STILL 5 girls is pretty good. What kind of sports car can you do that in? (also there were 3 boys besides Luke. For a grand total of 11? Though it's no Salzmobile crew (14 oftentimes in the Glory days), that's pretty sweet. With Gabby's generous supply of shared pixie sticks, celery sticks, and un-stick like movie, it's was quite a night. Exhaustion overwhelmed just about everybody, but everybody still laughed. Dumb & Dumber's not exactly a movie meant for girls, but they were good sports. To end the evening, Gabby dropped me off. Her incredibly smooth and others aware driving made up for the fact that I couldn't really make out a word she or Micaela said, until I moved to the middle and put all my energy towards listening. Which wasn't much, because i was toast. I drove home past about 30 police cars which sort of made me a teensy bit uneasy. I was like... OKAY! homework!! here WE COME! sit down on the futon for a secondzzzzzzzz. Awakened at 7:30 by Benny. Aren't you supposed to be at work? aww, peas.
Rush to find decent looking scrubs, because I know they're ALL dirty, but have no time to wash or iron. After tearing around for 3 minutes finding badge, Chem book and unfinished homework, I exited the door.Half dazed, I stumbled up the stairs, to my car, and my cellphone died. I was able to barely finish my homework while answering the nearly constantly ringing phone, and left at 9 to go to class. Afterwards I was going to take some portraits of Sami to draw for her recent birthday present. Well the cellphone was dead. After much thought I remembered her cellphone number, and she was busy. No problem, just dumb. "I just texted you" oh. my phone's dead. So then I went to best buy to get an external hardrive. For my laptop. BECAUSE... okay, this is why it was the worst day ever. My computer broke, likely erased every single picture and song on there. My most valuable possession on Earth. Probably around $5000 dollars worth of legal music, plus thousands of pictures, every single picture I've taken since I got my new camera, I've still got most of Juli's wedding pictures on my camera, but everything else- toast. More to come on that, I'm going to try to get it fixed.
So beginning of the End.
ANYHOW. After visiting Best Buy, I thought I should stop by the genius bar. He says to me "well, either your software failed, which you'd have to buy, or if your harddrive is under warranty, we can replace that. But if it's important information you need off of there, it costs hundreds to check out and goes up fast from there."
aww nuts. "hello Scotty." KIM?!
"Kimberly Marie! what are you doing here?" "Getting a free I-pod."
"you want to go get some coffee or something?" "no, I can't eat or drink for 5 hours." Sounds like all food or drink options would be terrible in that case.
what about... RIDES?!

OH it was incredible. We went on a rollercoaster... the "death drop" or something like that (which also happens to be a sweet swing dance move...) We held hands on that one, which made my day :). It was incredible. It wasn't scary at ALL, but it was so much fun. It was 100 percent loops and twists about. And Kim is incredibly easy to get along and chat with, which is one of the best qualities a girl can have in my opinion. It doesn't matter if a girl is nearly silent or extremely talkative, as long as they're comfortable. And then there were 8. Well all the 4 ticket rides were slightly less cool. We decided on the log chute, and Kim bought the remaining four points. It was a scary thought that Paul Bunyan might have been changed into spongebob themed or such, even though he didn't have much to do with Snoopy. Well good news. He's still in there. And dusty as can be. "that's a very big pancake." "that's a very dusty pancake." HEY BABE'S GONE! no he's down the first chute. "He's Blue!" "yeah..."

"Weeeeeeeeee!" That's what you say when you're having fun. You refer to yourself and other people.

SO an INCREDIBLE date with Kimberly. That term makes some uncomfortable, but I think it's descriptive. I know I won't be able to hang out with girls like that once I'm married, so it's not a good regular practice, but It was fully fun and fantastic. I'm glad I didn't turn around and go home like I was about to and just call the genius bar instead of going in. I mean, when I think about it, was a date with Kim worth possible lost everything on my computer? Probably not a trade I'd make, but if after all the hassle it ends up working? 100% so. But I'd still not trade today for really anything, so at this point, I'd say yes.

Sleep Deprived and Doing better than I deserve
-Scotty

Big Gulps, eh?

With my boxers showing through the bottom of my short Air Force running shorts, the XL Shake your boooooty shirt from Sadies 2003, 1 black & 1 white sock, Benny and I went running last night. He didn't look quite so ridiculous, but it was 23:00 and dark, so it mattered not. Just two shirtless skinny dudes running on the river road. Running with somebody is excellent. It's a good analogy to Christianity. Really it's like literally iron sharpening iron. "I'm not going to let him beat me, OR I want push him harder, so I'll keep right ahead of him." Alone, I want to quit, and oftentimes will. With somebody? I want to quit, but there's no way I will. And if you're training for a race it works out even better and there's verses about it. It's also a great time for conversation, we jogged a few blocks, streched, ran slow and talked, then turned around and started faster, increasingly to a sprint. Benny won by 20 feet. Just a dead spring uphill for 100 feet. We were talking about how sinful we are. I'm usually on one of two ends, either loving Jesus for some lesser benefit such as girls or respect OR the opposite of doing good in order to serve Jesus as though he needed me to, and benefitted greatly from it. Kim reminded me of something Pastor John said - that He enables us to do good works, so the very act of doing any good works further indebts us to Him.
Confessing sin is hard, but so good. It's such a lie that we're alone. And that's encouraging. Iron sharpening Iron. Luke has encouraged me a lot in this area as well. He's so good at pointing it right back on the Gospel, and Jesus. I usually get stuck on little things, or one thing. He's good at seeing the big picture of the little things. The body of Christ is incredible, but I don't really believe that most of the time. I am so thankful that it all depends on Christ's righteousness, not ours. So I'm not a writer, nor a good communicator, but that's what I've been thinking about lately. And I'm at work and all my tasks are done for the evening. I'm so blessed to have such incerdible friends and family in Christ. Maybe sometime I'll post on here things I love about each one of you like Gabby does, but now's not the time.

Welp, seeya later!

"BINGO!" - Gary Oldman, Leon: The Professional

Craziness ensues. Yesterday I went from having Monday and Thursday completely free, Friday free after 11:30 to completely booked for the rest of June. My work day starts at 07:30 and ends at 20:00 Monday - Friday. Intense. But it works perfectly, because I HAVE to get up for work at 7:30 every day get off at 9 for class, so I will make it to class every day without extra motivation of lunch with amazing friends, which helped a TON through the last semester. Though her "th" sound comes out as a "v" my professor is an incredible stuttering teacher. She talks incredibly fast, but stutters every other word so it gives time to write down. Plus I absolutely love accents, so it helps me to stay awake. That and the free coffee from work, no matter how bad the taste. It's like a half step up from church coffee, unless you're at a church meeting with Master Dau. Then it's starbucks brewed to perfection, and you can't go wrong there. I'm exciting about nursing, and excited about working hard to get an A in this class. AND JH camp is going to be incredible.
I like holding hands during prayer, it always makes me happy when I'm at a friend's house and everybody grabs the hand next to them. It creates even more sense of unity. And Dale Theile (TBI guy who's now a youth pastor in Cali) tried to instate that Bethlehem. Sometimes we did it, and it was excellent. Kind of funny though, he'd do that with us, and then tell us "yeah, I'd always try to stand next to cute girls." I like real people. Oftentimes I will overemphasize things to be beyond reproach in that aspect. I need to learn to shut my mouth. There's proverbs about how I'm a fool. A lot of them. Those make me go- doh! Rarely, though they should more, they make me depend on Christ for my strength. Because basically I am a weakness, but I'm more likely to compare myself to others rather than depend on Him.

I'm going to stop this madness and start more on a new post.
good-day mate!

I'm too nervous to write in this stupid blog now. I suppose with a title like Cheeto Weiss, the expectations should be low. That being said, lets have a look at the scoreboard. Mr. Connery's appearance was probably my favorite part of the movie, it made me laugh really hard. The lilacs on the way to work smell delicious, I'll enjoy them while they last. I had an excellent time driving with Gabby last night, minus the fact that she had to ride in the seat behind me due to the fact that the shotgun's seatbelt was holding the broken door shut by wrapping it through the handle and around the seat. Oh the Salzmobile.
I listened to Caroline Mahaney last night (and C.J.) during the day. It was really humbling... gosh. Made me realize that I'm going to need to grow a lot before I think of getting married. I mean, I know this obviously. But it was still sweet.
She told a story about a date she went on with C.J. There was a photoshoot of a model in a park, with a crowd watching. SNAP! went the cameras. they'd take a few shots, and then she'd have her makeup artist come touch her up, somebody fix her clothing, and her hair stylist fix her hair. She made some profound comment that I can't quote, but basically something about how utterly ridiculous that girls compare themselves to such magazine covergirls. And it's not external beauty that makes a girl beautiful. It's a start. Just from personal experience, I thought a girl in my 9th grade math class was one of the cutest girls I'd ever seen. She was quiet, seemed really nice, and dressed really modestly for the majority of the time. Well, I passed her in the halls one day, and she was with her friends, non of whom were in our math class. She had a such a foul mouth and loser friends, that she instantly became phsyically unbeautiful to me, I didn't find her cute at all anymore. I never noticed her again. The opposite was also true. But it was a girl at church, and she was beautiful because she loved Jesus She's happily married now.) There's a difference between saying you love Jesus and loving Jesus. If you read this far, my point was to remind and encourage girls especially to rememeber 1 Peter 3:3 beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. AND, my favorite is that in 100 years we'll all be either beautiful or hideous beyond imagination for eternity. And if you're a man and you lack the brad-pitt like looks you were hoping for, you can go for Godly character, or just talk like you have marbles in your mouth. THE DAY IS MINE!

Pull-ups for life.

Reaching, stretching, grasped!
Veins pulsing, sweat beads fall down




so far below.
beating steadily, the drum's rate increases.
a tiny splash, evaporating on impact.
hold slips, reality hits.
searching feet long for support,
exhausted forearms know the price of giving in
to the desire for rest

where's daddy?

gasoline meets flame
an explosion of strength
fingertips like iron claws
options seem impossible
arms reach above hands
bloodied, dirtied

short legs run towards the door as eagerness overwhelms

a brief smile between silent gritting of teeth
scripture floods the mind, perseverance reinforced
a new strength
sweat, blood, dust, stone
efforts doubled, distanced halved
a cry for help

Buon Giorno Principessa!

I'm editing this and adding the encouraging words that Emily Toll said to me yesterday first. We were painting with oil paints (probably the most frusting form of art I've ever experienced, and will increase my patience if I can last more than 10 minutes). Despite the painting part of it, it was very enjoyable, because she's very engaging and knows communicate very well. She was talking about her favorite book - God is the Gospel by John Piper. This was a good reminder, though after thinking about it for some time, I'd realized I'd heard it before. A LONG time ago. And I'd forgotten. BUT here it is. It's simple, but really sweet.

Love people so that they Love Jesus.

Incredible night. Had some bumps along the way, but that's life. After waking up fifty minutes after my alarm went off, calling and getting scolded; I rapidly searched for a nicer shirt, remembered deoderant, then grabbed the longboard, sped over to the Axe parking lot and hopped in the Salzmobile. Using my "Salz Speeders", I was able to arrive precisely at 10:53.

"A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precicely when he means to"
-Gandalf the Gray
Good thing you're not a wizard. I brought your cds!, wanna dance? no! :( As if it wasn't bad enough, two of my favorite people to dance with who never come were leaving in a half hour. (whom I could have danced with for an hour longer had I awakened from my brief hybernation.) Okay fine, I'll dance with you, but not yet. YESSSSSSS. From there, it was incredible. I had a blast dancing with every single girl, because they were all really unique and for the most part highly skilled. The only two who weren't was a beginner who had a nasty gash on her hand with a falling off bandaid, so that difficulted things, but she was good for her first night. The other couldn't spin really at all due to something doctor's can't figure out and severe dizziness. Though I didn't drop any girls, I repeatedly bump their heads with my forearm and elbows. And nearly dislocated an arm- sorry Gabby!! Hope it's not permanently damaged, though I can imagine soreness today. After departing at 1:30, the adrenaline and endorphines wouldn't allow sleep until 3 or so. And I arrived to work at 7:35. Aww, peas. I'm a toast.

much love,
-Scotty

As you know, I work at a children's clinic. Exciting day, because we got new fish, which the kids love and I can watch for hours (and do every day I work). BUT the coolest thing was a new dad carring one of those baby carriers (a burse? baby purse... kinda catchy!) across his chest. That's a cool dad. If I ever have children, I will get one. I will try to catch him as he leaves and tell him how totally rock and roll that is. Until then, I will answer the phone for many English challanged patients(I LOVE IT HERE!! SO diverse).

I think my body is going to explode, I feel like I'm going to throw up all the time, my teeth are shiverring. I haven't had much sleep, and I've had caffeine, but I think the monkey bread did it. I don't think I'll ever be able to eat that stuff again. And I keep on getting chilled/sweaty.. I think part of it is sunburnt, but maybe I'm sick.

I was listening to a sermon by Tim Keller the other day. It was on how we are a slave to something. This is just another way to say we worship something. But he relates it to the 3 conversions Luke talks about in Acts. The demon possessed girl- a slave to the demons in her, Lydia - a slave to success in business, and the Jailer - a slave to duty. We need to be slaves to Jesus. He has really good insights, I would definitely recommend listening to his sermons/read his books which I haven't yet.

Struggling to fight for joy,
Scotty

Great. REAL bullets.

I'm reading sheperding a child's heart by Tedd Tripp, given to me by my roomate. Since I wasn't currently really reading anything, I decided to read it... which I mostly do at work. It's really Biblical, it gives me hope for being a parent some day. But it also makes me think of my wretched self, and my own need for Jesus. I'm going to just write down a few things I think were excellent words.

God does open-heart sugery, not a face-lift. He produces change from the inside out. He rejects the man who fasts twice a week and accepts the sinner who cries for mercy.

The finest art of communication is not learning how to express your thoughts. It is learning how to draw out the thoughts of others.

Think about the Incarnation of Jesus Christ. It is a good model for interaction with yuor children. God could have remained off in heaven. He could have spoken through cloud and thunder as he did in Exodus 19. But what does God do in the incarnation? He comes to earth to dewll with us. He takes on flesh and blood like your flesh and blood. He takes a human psychology like we have. He accepts all the limitations of a man on the earth; he can only be in one place at one time. He experiences all the things we experience. He is tired and hungry at Jacob's well in John 4. He weeps at Lazarus' tomb. Hebrews 2 says "He suffered when he was tempted." p. 76 Therefore, since we have this great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we posess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receieve mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:14-16)

You can also encourage your children that the unending grace and mercy that you have found in Jesus Christ is offered to them as well. In him there is righteousness that we cannot produce, forgiveness that we cannot merit, and power that we cannot generate. There is hope for needy people in this one who became flesh and dwelt with us.

well.. I'm done with work, so I'm out.
grace and peace,
Scotty

Peanut butter is incredible. MaraNatha peanut butter is the most incredible peanut butter. Peanut butter goes incredibly well with just about any/everything. For example, in yogurt. As long as you don't mix it up to one consitancy, because then it's gross. AND it's a complete protein. yumm.