Band of Brothers

I've been learning the importance of fellowship. Incomplete thoughts, but hopefully they help stir thoughts.

Fellowship:

1. Is Biblical (well, duh):
Jesus and His disciples, specifically Peter, James, and John. He send the 72 out in PAIRS. Romans 12 - we are members one of another, one body in Christ. Paul and Timothy. Paul and Barna. Many of Paul's letters talk about it in the intros. God's way is how it's best. "Christianity is PERSONAL, but not PRIVATE."- Matt Chandler.

2. It encourages me through their trials: I need to hear that I'm not the only sinner in need of Jesus. Most sin is internal. I know my sin best. That means I know my sin better than everybody else knows my sin. If Christians are real with themselves, they probably feel more sinful than everyone around them.

3. It encourages me to stop thinking about me:: Hearing other's trials and joy gets my eyes off of me. I can rejoice with them, pray for them.

4. We are built for relationships I like to be perfect, and stay away from anything that shows me I'm not. That's problematic, because that keeps me from Jesus. Well truth is I AM perfect in Jesus and therefore can risk being imperfect in my relationships with people. Last year I didn't invest in really any relationships at school. I didn't make many mistakes because of that. I also didn't grow much. This semester even thus far has grown a lot. I still suck at forgetting myself and loving people with a Gospel lens.

5. It grows me in humility: I'm filthy proud, Sometimes my pride is the subtle disgusting form of "Poor Me.". Being with people makes me see my sin in a way that nothing else does. I get angry at them. I get impatient with them. I can't control them. I can't save them. I can't love them perfectly. I NEED JESUS!

6. It has shown me the power of prayer. A buddy of mine prayed for me. Over the phone. God answered that prayer the next day. I DONT HAVE THAT KIND OF FAITH! Benny said "it's like Aladdin- when Aladdin is gagged at the bottom of the ocean and Genie takes his Bubbles as a yes." God wants to bless us. But He wants us to want Him not the blessing.

So I am not stopped because I'm a sinner. I am 100% accepted by God because of Jesus, and this not of my own, it is a gift of God. I forget this and need to be constantly reminded.

All people either: Share the most important thing with me (Saved by grace), or need Jesus. That means I have a really good practical reason to love them. (Sometimes that they're made in the Image of God isn't enough for me.)

I'm thankful for the body of Christ. I'm thankful for my brothers and my sisters. And I'm thankful that it's because of Jesus.

Battling alongside,
-Scotty

Sleepless in Chicago... and then IN, KY,TN, and FL, until I arrive!

Yipe. Very sleep deprived and rambly.

I should be driving, I'll try to be brief- 5 minutes.

Brief list of updates:

1. I went to Northern Ireland this summer, and Lord willing, hope to live there after I graduate in 2012.

2. I'm going to be a Sophomore nursing student at PCC.

3. I'm still in need of a Saviour, and Jesus has become more real to me than ever this past year since December at Christmas conference. I could give countless examples of sin and how He's used things, my life I live as a forgiven failure, trusting in Jesus for the forgiveness of my sin. And I oftentimes fail at remembering I'm forgiven. "I'm more sinful than I can ever imagine, and more forgiven than I'll ever dream." - Tim Keller.

4. I don't know what's ahead at PCC this year, but God has changed my heart towards it, and I'm looking forward to living day by day, being kept by an All-Powerful God.

5. I'm extremely thankful to God for the people He has placed in my life, I could name names, but I'd rather have you guess if I was talking about you or not. I was.

and here goes.

This year at school, I'm going to daily focus on God's will for my life as stated in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
1. Rejoice Always
2. Pray without ceasing
3. Give thanks in all circumstances

I'm incapable, but the Holy Spirit lives in me, and He IS capable. I will never not need Jesus. When I think of what my life would be like if those three things were true, it amazes me. So rather than focusing on schoolwork, I'm going to focus on these three things and get more out of doing more schoolwork than I would have.

I hope to grow in my knowledge and love for Jesus and people, and have that be contagious, by God's grace, through His strength, and for His glory. (and my joy and peace as Samuel rightly says)

Something that I'm going to take with me from my talk with Emma today is honesty. Admitting my sinfulness and my need for Jesus in a humble way- because He already knows everything anyway. I'm not going to surprise Him with my sinful heart, motives, or my need for Him, or my looking to myself and most other options before I consider going to Him.

Ephesians 3:20 "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Rejoicing in Hope,
-Scotty

I'll also say this. I just spent 20 minutes "editing" this so that people would think better of me. "They'll think, "He's too proud, he always...,he never..., hypocrite, foolish, etc" and such was just going through my head. I seek people's love more than Jesus' oftentimes. Scotty, stop focusing on yourself. Focus on Jesus, and others. JOY- Jesus, Others, scottY/YEOOOOO. Usually it's easier for me to see others' sin, especially the fear of man. I used to think this meant thinking less of myself, or false humility stuff, but it means thinking of myself less often. Lord, save me from myself.

Friendship

In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets. Now that Charles [a good friend to Lewis and Tolkien] is dead, I shall never again see Ronald’s [Tolkien] reaction to a specifically Charles joke. For from having more of Ronald, having him “to myself” now that Charles is away, I have less of Ronald… In this, Friendship exhibits a glorious “nearness by resemblance” to heaven itself where the very multitude of the blessed (which no man can number) increases the fruition which each of us has of God. For every soul, seeing Him in her own way, doubtless communicates that unique vision to all the rest. (from CS Lewis’ essay entitled “Friendship.”)

I read this in Tim Keller's The Prodigal God. Spending time with friends and friends last night was amazing. It's funny, even animals can bring out things in people that wouldn't be as clear without them. My one regret last night was not coming together in prayer. At all. I love praying with friends. I love hearing hearts talk to our Heavenly Father. I don't like praying aloud because I'm so aware of the people in the room, perhaps almost always more aware of them than God, whom I'm trying to talk to. I was afraid of "ruining" my friend's time, and taking responsibility for that. I'm afraid of the "goody-goody" accuzation, possibly most. But I think prayer helps to set hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. I've been more hesitant to jump the gun on things that I think are good ideas, but I think it was the Holy Spirit putting that idea on my heart last night, not just me own. I'm thankful that I don't gain or lose points-there are no points for my failures, or successes as far as I know, or in a way that I could understand. I think I did rob myself and many others of joy that could have been had last night, by not doing what I ought to have done.

Prayer is one way to see God through different perspectives, like in C.S. Lewis's friendship essay. Playing fun games and chillin' is another way to see that, and I think prayer helps me get my heart right as I play Apples to Apples and eat delicious pizza. OR listen to music. I have to be careful to see the Grace in other's lives, and not just sin. I tend to see grace, and point out sin that would make the grace more evident. Which isn't helpful without that explaination at all. If Paul can say

I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, that in every way you were enriched in Him in all speech and all knowledge-- even as teh testimony about Christ was confirmed among you-- so that you are not lackign in any spiritual gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. - 1 Corinthians 1:4-9

I am fearful that everybody else is doing better spiritually than I am, and so don't want to bring up anything, because I'll feel ashamed. But aren't I supposed to walk in the light? Now I have guys to talk to about deep struggles. There are some girls who I can share things with that I wouldn't just share with everybody, but I think there are things that I should be sharing with during random parties for - my daily struggle to love Jesus as my treasure. By God's grace I'm going to work on this, but I'm still going to try to do it in a wiser way, which usually means I need to close my mouth more often, and listen more, while keeping in mind things above.

I just read in Spiritual Depression by David Martyn Lloyd-Jones this morning that he loves the Disciples, because they mess up again and again, and he can relate to that. I am amening that. I'm noticing a quite similarity with the Israelites too as I read the old testament.

Fighting for joy in Jesus,
Scotty

when we "mulch it"

Illustrations and analogies are helpful for me in both understanding and remembering things. I don't really care that all analogies break down, because that's not the point of them. Matt Reagan gave an illustration of the Christian life.

How to eat sunflower seeds. (from the back of my patriot's choice sunflower seeds)
"Pop one in your mouth, crack the shell with your teeth, eat the kernel inside and spit out the shell. Got it?...Now, be a Pro! Pop a handful of seeds in your mouth and store in one cheek, transfer a seed over to the other side with your tongue, crack open, eat the kernel and spit out the shell. Repeat until your mouth is empty."

"To try really hard is NOT Christianity. It's every other religion, but not Christianity."
We say, try harder. We should say, "let it go." Quit trying. It's an endless battle, that has been won. But I need to learn to accept that.

I blew it.
He did it.
Accept it.

Matt Reagan was talking about how hard it is for him to eat seeds (a specific time, pretty sure in general though). He starts out fine, but he'll get distracted and eventually and inevitably "mulch it", not separate the seed from the shell, but chomp the whole thing at once, if you've ever eaten sunflower seeds, you know what he's talking about. Once you have the debris from that one, it's hard to continue with the rest. The point is not whether we mulch it or not. Jesus already did it perfectly! (yes, I think in this illustration, it is eating sunflower seeds perfectly... oh well).

My self-righteousness is always creeping, and constantly with me. It will be for the rest of my life, and is a sin that I will constantly need to confess and then repent for the rest of my life! Daunting? honestly, yeah. BUT it shouldn't be. When I commit a sin, I nearly? always commit another sin of self-righteousness. Probably always, to varying degrees. Did Jesus die for all my sin? past? present? future? yes! yes!! Well, this is a life-long learning process. Now what do I do with that? Sin that grace may abound? May it never be!


I don't know if this is true, but I think it probably is. I'll never be more or less sinful than I am right now. I thank God that I haven't committed some sins that bear with them consequences, like murder and drugs and rape and things, BUT I have the wickedness in me to do those things. Tim Keller also mentioned in his sermon this illustration: In Silence of the Lambs, the book, not the movie.
Officer Starling asks Hannibal Lector, "What must have happened to you to make you such a twisted person?"
"Why nothing happened to me, Officer Starling. I happened. You can't reduce me to a set of influences. Why, you've given up good and evil for behaviorism, Officer Starling. You've got everybody in moral dignity pants, nothing is ever anybody's fault. Look at me, Officer Starling. Can you stand to say I'm evil?" He nails her. He knows he makes her wonder- Am I like that? She doesn't want to admit she's not basically good.

The more we grow as Christians, the more we should realize our sinfulness. You ask Hitler if he was a bad man? He'd probably have said no. Ask the same question to Abraham Lincoln, and he probably would have responded "yes". Also, along with that, the more we grow as Christians, the more we see God's Glory. Andrew Knight gave this "Pac-man diagram" and it was so helpful for me. The point is that as we grow as Christians, we see God more clearly, and ourselves more clearly. He's greater and we're worse than we can ever imagine. That means that Jesus needs to become bigger in our lives. Paul didn't think he was good at the end of his life. He called himself the "chief of sinners". He understood his sinful inner being. And he understood how short he fell of the perfection demanded of him. And he understood that Jesus did it for him.





An accepted failure,
-Scotty

Mr. Walsh sent me a sermon by Tim Keller titled: "War Between Your Selves" on Romans 7 that is full of truth, and my last post was a song from the musical version of Jekyll Hyde.

"So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin

Romans 7:21-25

"All of a life is a battle between two selves. But there's a different war before when you meet Christ, and after you meet Christ. The war before you meet Christ you cannot win; the war after you meet Christ you cannot lose... you're going to be in one of them"

"In the 10th commandment, you get a definition of sin. You see what all the other commandments are getting at: coveting."

Covetousness: not just wanting something. To inordinately want something. It's wanting anything more than God. Saying that there's something besides God, His love, and His salvation that I've got to have as a requirement for being happy. That's coveting and the essence of sin. It's the essence of what's wrong with the world, with you with me.

Coveting is not wanting it, but HAVING to have it. Paul coveted morality when he was Saul.

Religiousness is covetousness, and bringing us away from Jesus, not closer.

Tim Keller has the ability to put profound things simply, without losing their force, it's really incredible.

Dependent upon Christ,
-Scotty

"Hm, I forgot how to start. All right: 1,2..."

ENSEMBLE:
There's a face that we wear
In the cold light of day -
It's society's mask,
It's society's way,
And the truth is
That it's all a façade!

There's a face that we hide
Till the nighttime appears,
And what's hiding inside,
Behind all of our fears,
Is our true self,
Locked inside the façade!

Every day
People, in their own sweet way,
Like to add a coat of paint,
And be what they ain't!

That's how our little -
Game is played,
Livin' like a masquerade
Actin' a bizarre charade -
While playing the saint!

But there's one thing I know,
And I know it for sure:
This disease that we've got
Has got no ready cure!
And I'm certain
Life is terribly hard -
When your life's a façade!

Look around you!
I have found
You cannot tell, by lookin' at the surface,
What is lurkin' there beneath it!
See that face!
Now, I'm prepared to bet you,
What you see's not what you get -
'Cause man's a master of deceit !

So, what is the sinister secret?
The lie he will tell you is true? -
It's that each man you meet
In the street
Isn't one man but two!

Nearly everyone you see -
Like him an' her,
An' you, an' me -
Pretends to be
A pillar of society -
A model for propriety -
Sobriety
An' piety -
Who shudders at the thought
Of notoriety!

The ladies an' gents 'ere before you -
Which none of 'em ever admits -
May 'ave saintly looks -
But they're sinners an' crooks!

Hypocrites!
Hypocrites!

There are preachers who kill!
There are killers who preach!
There are teachers who lie!
There are liars who teach!
Take yer pick, dear -
"Cause it's all a façade!

If we're not one, but two,
Are we evil or good?
Do we walk the fine line -
That we'd cross if we could?
Are we waiting -
To break through the façade?

One or two
Might look kinda well-to-do -
Hah! They're bad as me an' you,
Right down they're boots!

I'm inclined to think -
Half mankind
Thinks the other half is blind!
Wouldn't be surprise to find -
They're all in cahoots!

At the end of the day,
They don't mean what they say,
They don't say what they mean,
They don't ever come clean -
And the answer -
Is it's all a façade!
Is it's all a façade!
Man is not one, but two,
He is evil and good,
An' he walks the fine line
We'd all cross if we could!

It's a nightmare -
We can never discard -
So we stay on our guard -
Though we love the façade -
What's behind the façade?
Look behind the façade!

I think this song sums up life without Jesus fairly well.

bolting for freedom... temporarily

this is the stained glass window in the chapel

this is where we meet for chapel and church, it looks sweeto at night.

this is a closer view of the guardrail, and brick.

this is a bridge my daddy designed, it's in Indiana, and i was driving and taking picture, so it was tricky. it's on I-465 or something, whatever the bypass is. i think there's 3 of them being put up.

the balcony at the crown center

this is a view out my window.



It's long, and rambly, for which i warn and apologize, but it took me longer to write, the amount of times that i've hit z,x,c,v, and b without any response are huge. then i must hit "B" and hit one of those other 4 letters quickly, and in turn, deleting that "b."

OKAY. I'm at Pensacola Christian College. My keyboard's "Z" through "B" keys don't work, unless i press and hold down "B" first, and then QUICKLY hit the other ones. weird. so bear with me as this takes very much longer than normal, and i have less than normal time. I'm not allowed to go onto really any sites at PCC. Desiringgod.org is blocked, and YES it was requested to be unblocked already. Yet Marshillchurch.org is not, and neither is the sermon jams site laura showed me. All internet is blocked. my email address is ssalzm7553@students.pcci.edu, where Gabby lovingly emails me her posts, i would appreciate any other posts you'd want to send me. ANY of your own (even the ones you think are silly) or really good ones from somebody else. helps me feel like there's a normal outside world.

i'm currently at panera bread at the mall, and ordered a chai tea latte something. it was delicious. i'm kind of still in dress code, so i'm hoping nobody comes and shoots me on sight. the reason i came here was to pay my bill.

ANYHOW. Update on my life, since I have nothing profound, and won't be able to read anything for the next month probably.

- I am on the 8th floor of Young tower, with 3 roommates.
- I'm a freshman, I had to take PCC's science classes anyhow, and the program starts sophomore year. there are 120 slots, and about 300 freshman, i believe
- There are many cool people down here, there's a 24 year old guy named Jonathan Tinnes who is ALSO a freshman nursing student. He makes me feel normal. other than the fact that he makes me feel short. he's 6'7''
- Most of the girls I've met so far make me appreciate the girls from BBC a lot more.
- The food is fine, but exceptionally greasy. There are frozen yogurt machines. there are 7 lines in one building, and 4 in the other. salads are always an option, and though they do have iceberg lettuce, they also have spinach, which I use instead.
- They've just added a 60 foot climbing wall that opened this monday, and also have indoor surfing?, and waterpark, which have not opened yet.
- The official campus pastor "Pastor Jackson" is awesome, Christ centered, and gospel oriented. (a lot of the rest of the staff makes me wonder.)
- I'm taking chemistry, biology (both have 3 hour labs), english, history, bible, and student success seminar.
- i just read "the purity principle" by Randy Alcorn for the third time and if you're a guy and haven't read it, you should, girls would probably benefit from it too, if not personally, then how to help guys (it's like 93 small pages)
- I'm ready "the Cross-Centered Life" by C.J. Mahaney, and it's fabulous. I think it's only 85 small pages, and very worthwhile.
- I REALLY want to go swing dancing, especially the lindyhop with Samwise.

Yeah. I'll stop listing things because it's not really a list anymore, just a paragraph separated by minuses.

The last few days not here were incredible. The weekend before I left was also wonderful, Chicago to visit cousins, Rachel, Emma, then Gabby and most of the Huertas. Much could be said about that weekend. But Wednesday night, I went over to the Huertas to drop off a book for Sami, and as always, though i was interrupting family time, Mr. Huerta welcomed me in. It started raining really hard. We hung out for a bit, Esteban fed me some delicious gormet chicken wrap that he had made. I'm pretty sure the Huertas pray together as a family every night (which I've been a part of a few times, and been told via telephone that I would be called later.) I was there when they prayed for Emma as they sent her back home (and off to college), which was sweet. Well, they did the same for me, and it was incredibly encouraging, it still is actually. And the Huertas have also been an example for me to follow me to pray more (because of this night and others), which has proven to be also a huge blessing. I thank God for their family, they have been more of a blessing in my life then I could ever dream to repay. When I left, I gave everyone a final last hug, and ran out to my car with an umbrella-wielding escort because it was pouring (thanks Micaela). doh. i had left the window open. I drove home feeling ridiculously well loved, and then packed until I basically passed out from tiredness. The next morning, I packed, and packed, and packed. It took longer than expected. I finally left at like 6:30 Thursday evening. I had told Gabby I'd come visit her sooner, but that didn't quite happen. I rolled in later and we sat and smoked cigars and talked for awhile. I wasn't tired because of coffee and I'm a night owl. Best cigar I've ever smoked. Not the smoking part, but just hanging out with Gabby by the lake. She's a wonderful friend, and is totally normal to hang out with- she's the closest thing to a sister you can have without being related. And though it's cliche- she really is a sister in Christ, and I'm sure her girl friends would amen that even more. i like her phone guidelines "family first, girls, THEN boys." I was happy to drive the last two hours to Chicago, don't know if i'd have made it without the stop at Madison.
Friday Saturday and Sunday I stayed at the Johnson's. Uncle Stu, Auntie Vicki (mom's sister), Joe, and Claire. (Deenie was at Bethel University- O the irony.) Auntie Vikki is an wonderful hostess, and makes good food/healthy snacks all the time, and finds joy in doing so, plus has god a great sense of humor that keeps me laughing. Uncle Stu is wonderful, laid back, and very friendly and outgoing. He makes all people feel welcomed and loved. He's the one who will go to the person who's alone at a party/gathering and engage them, and make them feel loved. "not a shy bone in his body." he loves going to see movies, usually the slightly more obscure ones. He took Joe and I to see Hellboy 2. I can't wait to see a movie with him at Christmas. Also, he's got a head full of silver white hair- it's awesome. Claire and Joe are both tall and rail thin. Both geniuses. Joe's currently going into business, and very good at it. Claire reads like none other, and is very very smart- she had to be in the marching band for band class, so we went to a football game to watch the half time show- and impressive show of James Bond: 007. From the Johnsons, I went to visit Emma (the same one we prayed for at the Huerta's), who lived a half hour away at Wheaton. I met her at her dorm, where she opened a care package from Micaela, and ate cheezits. she knew like 50 people already, the first week of school, and that's the type of person she is. Emma is a wonderful friend. She treated me like a good friend, though I'd known her for a month. Inside connections surely helped that, but I saw how she treated the guys and girls she had just met- and it was the exact same. One of the biggest hearts ever, and very fun to be with. She kept me laughing with her humor and quirky slang. We got coffee at the campus coffee place, and then played air hockey, shuffleboard, electric hockey (the little foosball type guys), and foosball. Then we went to McDonalds and I got an icecream cone (a tribute to scottie o'neal). She got a parfait. everybody loves a parfait. The next time we hung out, we went to starbucks and walked downtown wheaton, which was small. "i think we've already been here" said a couple we walked past, which made me laugh. She was meeting a friend at the train station, so I dropped her off there, and headed back.
I stayed until Monday. Sunday night was spent with Rachel, a good friend that I met through Benny a few thanksgivings ago. We cruised in her sweeto new car and listened to dominant spanish music (she's an MK from Bolivia who speaks fluent Spanish). She's got a 6 cd changer, and we've got similar taste in music, so it was an enjoyable ride. We got "the orphanage", because I'd seen Pan's Labyrinth , and it was really good. It was in spanish, so she understood it, but i found i needed the subtitles to catch more than 1/10th of it. It was scary, and not as good as the other one. I wouldn't recommend it at any rate. So before she left, we watched all of Orison Piper's youtube videos, and laughed really hard. "i love you, i love you, dern dern dern" was my favorite. I gave her a hug goodbye, and crashed. I woke up, and drove for like 14 hours. I slept off and on at a rest stop in tennessee, and woke up and drove 2 more hours to PCC. A guy named Dan helped me with everything. Now, I'm here. I have tons of homework every day, and it's hard to find "free-time". But it's not as bad as i thought. And I know God wanted me here. I have a bedtime of 11:00, so i usually lie awake in bed and pray for people (because i can't read my bible-no lights).

I didn't mention moving in Pears. I think Tuesday we moved her in. Carrying a carpet up 4 flights of skinny stairs, walking halfway around the dorm to get to her room. But it was good to see her place, and spend a last few hours with her. I miss her a ton. My family has been so supportive, my daddy and mum have helped me through everything, and have been praying for me constantly. Smash-o sent me a letter, on the front was drawn a lot of things with BIG RED DO NOT circles through them, including cell phones, music, and my favorite "whitty titey"- with a lovely drawing of men's undershorts :). I'm just reminiscing over the past few days. Benny is always the best brother, and my best friend. I miss him more than ever now, and miss the little things- like going home to lunch during work together, and laughing about dumb things. I'm trying to keep up through writing letters- so basically whenever i get around to it updates-like this, but they're more fun to receive, i've found. If I did not mention you in this blog, it does not mean I don't love you a lot. My battery is about to die, and i need to get back on campus. Maybe I should just list the rest of you on here. but i'm not going to. I just scrolled through the whole post and it's way too long. who will be the ones to read it? Christi, maybe? (this one might be pushing it.) I love all of my friends from Minnesota. I miss you all A LOT. I can't wait to see yall at Christmas.

much love,
-Scotty

P.S. If I were reading this post, I would first, if not eventually scroll down to see when it was going to end. So I'll put prayer requests down here.
please pray:
-That God would make me obsessed with the gospel, that Jesus would be of first importance in my life. That's really my biggest prayer down here at Pensacola. I'm not expecting it to happen overnight either. But I can't make that happen, genuinely, if at remotely at all.
-That I would become more like Christ and be more servant like - I've become increasingly selfish these last few years, so humility along with that.
-Diligence in studies, and daily devos. I'm going to start doing them early morning before class, and see how that goes.
-That God will be glorified through my life, and use me for His glory SOMEHOW while I'm at PCC. (or at the Air Force Reserves too)

Silent as a headphoneless ipod.

SO with that I'm off to a whopping good start. I love hearing what music people are into. Because usually I know and like the majority of the songs, and I then I learn about new ones, or names of ones that I also enjoy. My Current Favorites (I don't listen to the radio except for Pandora, so overplayed songs are generally not so for me).

Father & Son - Cat Stevens
Should've Known Better - The Beatles
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
Lucky - Colbie and Jason Mraz
Prima Donna - 1986 Broadway Cast Phantom of the Opera
Cats in the Cradle - Harry Chapin
Near to You - A Fine Frenzy
Your Song - Elton John/Ewan McGregor
Fantine's Death: Confrontation - Original London Cast: Les Miserables
I've Grown Accustomed to her - My Fair Lady
Piano Man - Billy Joel
Jesus, my only hope - Mark Altrogge
It's Gonna be Me - N'Sync
Only Jesus - Written by Mark Heinrich, Scott Alexander vocals - http://www.furtherup.com/worship.html (you can download it here for free.)

Music is good. Unfortunately not one of these various styles of songs will be allowed at PCC. Not even the worship songs.

I think that this is going to be THE hardest thing at Pepsicola. I think it will help me appreciate music more, appreciate worship more, and also keep me from idolizing music. Not that I do, but it's probably the most valuable material (sort of) possession. I've got several thousands of dollars worth of music on my computer, and Ipod. I think if I don't go crazy, it will make me more creative. A lot of the basics in life are *poof* gone. My roommate said "you get what you pay for, and you didn't' pay for the privilege of listening to music." thanks Garrett. and then laughs, because he knows it's funny.

or K Dau said "the Bible doesn't tell us to put ourselves INTO tribulation."

or my childhood best friend Andy "Drow" - "it builds character."
Ben - "or craziness"
Drow - "that's character."

We'll see what the Lord has in store. I'm excited to be surprised.

peace.
-Scotty

oh. and i MAY be leaving for the school year this friday morning. not 100% sure, but close. just found out this morning.

Petey Jones: [has hand raised for a high-five and is smiling]
Coach Boone: Put your hand down.
[Petey does as told]
Coach Boone: You're smiling.
Petey Jones: Yes.
Coach Boone: Yes, sir. Why are you smiling?
Petey Jones: 'Cause I love football. Football is fun.
Coach Boone: Fun, sir? It's fun?
Petey Jones: Yes.
Coach Boone: You sure?
Petey Jones: I think...
Coach Boone: Now you're thinkin'. First you smile, then you thinkin'. You think football is still fun?
Petey Jones: Uh, yes.
Coach Boone: Sir.
Petey Jones: Yes- no, sir.
Coach Boone: No?
Petey Jones: Um, it was fun.
Coach Boone: Not anymore though, is it? *Is* it?
Petey Jones: Not right now, no.
Coach Boone: No, it's not fun anymore. Not even a little bit.
Petey Jones: Uh... no.
Coach Boone: Make up your mind. Think since you're thinking. Go on, think. Is it fun?
Petey Jones: No, sir.
Coach Boone: No? Absolutely not?
Petey Jones: Zero fun, sir.
Coach Boone: [addresses team] All right, listen up! I'm Coach Boone. I'm gonna tell you about how much... *fun* you're gonna have this season.

ha. pre-pepsicola.

If only is so very dumb.
it gives false hopes, and makes me numb.
to dwell within regrets is wretched
presidency was a bit far-fetched.

so i decide to just make do
to take my life, and give it a go
down to pepsicola, but i dont think i can drink
i'll have stories, more than i think.

i got detention today, my shirt was not ironed enough
i bumped into a girl, while texting a friend
it might just be my last mistake, though it depends.
i may be able to survive, if i go into monkdom

Pensicola Christian College.

Why I'm excited to go to probably the most legalistic (so it seems) Christian college in the nation.

1. God was the one who set it up.
2. It's uber cheap.
3. One of the best Nursing programs in the nation.
4. Jeff Dreblow.
5. It's a 4 year degree.

Okay, number 1 and 4 are similar. It's a cool story, that's clearly all God.
I think the coolest part began Wednesday, July 30. Master Luke called me at some point that evening and told me that he just found out he couldn't lead the Thursday night Bible study and if I would take over. Up to that point, I'd been working till 8 on Thursdays, so I had very little idea of what the nights were supposed to look like. I had nothing prepared, so I printed out 3 of my favorite worship songs, grabbed "Mornings & Evenings" by Charles Spurgeon, and bought 2 bags of strawberry twizzlers, the kind that has 9 separate pieces that you can peel apart. I felt like I had had ample time to prepare SOMETHING. I learned a lesson recently, right? mmm. okay. I've got nothing. "Heavenly Father I've got nothing, but I'd really like you to show up tonight, to encourage others, not for my glory. In fact, have somebody else have better ideas than me, so that I know it was all you, and nobody has any inkling that any part of it was because of me." It went something like that.

We ate hot dogs, chips, apples and Anna and Esther made cup cakes for us.

We moved to the grass, sat in a circle, and sang All I Once Held Dear, Only Jesus, and Inside Out. It wasn't an amazing sound, but it was good. Solid real lyrics helped me worship, and keep me from being distracted by the fact that only a handful people knew Inside out, and without the "yeaaaaaaahs" it was off. After passing around the twizzlers, I read July 30th's Evening devotion for the first time. It was about worshiping constantly, and how that worked in the temple. I think they always end with thought provoking questions so you have something to dwell on all day/evening. That started us off. Several people shared what God was doing in their lives, things they were learning, encouragement, discussion. Okay, why don't we pray. Laura said "can we split up guys and girls?" yeah. Good idea. Guys can do 2 groups, girls all together. "Forget that. We're going all together." Amidst constant mosquitoes feeding out of our flesh, the guys each shared prayer requests. It took a long time. I wanted to be different "lets pray for the person across to the left." "Scott, why don't we just pray for the person on our right, it'll be so much easier." "okay." Okay, why don't we have one person close, and all be praying for the person over the next week.

Friday I got an encouraging wallpost from Sam, that he was encouraged by Thursday night. "Thank you, Lord!" Later Hannah said similar, "even though I didn't say anything, I felt really refreshed by Thursday night." "Thank you, Lord!" I was encouraged. God answered my prayer because he loves me.

Saturday. Reserves. I got to teach a self-aid/buddy care class, which was fun. I asked permission to leave for a bit tomorrow to go to the International Airport, 5 minutes away. "as long as you're back in time to sign in." thank you sir.

Sunday. Family Day. At 11:30 I got to switch into civilian clothing and my whole family came out to spend a few hours. We ate good hot dogs and brats, kettle chips, potato salad and a m&m chocolate chip cookie. A lot of fun stuff to do, all free. 3 different inflatable climbing and jumping things. Sumo wrestling. A Jet to take pictures in. Snow cones, popcorn. Fire hose. Tricycles. Caricatures. Hot rods. A freaky clown with balloons. It was all fun, but I was most excited because the Ireland team was coming in that afternoon. at 3? Benny is probably the best brother ever. If ever ask him to do anything or come anywhere, he always puts me as a priority and says yes. Only in extreme circumstances where he already has big plans will he say no. Do you want to come greet the Ireland team with me? You did support Gabby, so it's not that weird and you know everybody else. Okay. We drove over at 3 and seconds before we drove to the parking ramp, Micaela called and told me that they'd be there at 3:45. We went back, and played tennis at the base. We arrived a minute after the team, which was perfect timing, because of course they all wanted to see their families first. I wish I had been there to take some pictures, but that was also covered. It was soooo good to see them. And hugs after 2 weeks of not seeing somebody are sweet. Even when they all have backpacks and luggage.
Basically I just gave a hug to everybody, and then left, because I had to be back at the base to sign out/get in on the meeting).

Benny who told me later he was planning on just taking a nap came in, because I asked him to. Meet the guys. There's several cool guys, one of them is a 25, a Christian and very excited about engineering. They would get along well. But he didn't really talk to him. Instead he talked to Staff Sargent Kevin McGuire. Also a Christian. He talked to him for like 15 minutes, he didn't talk to a bunch of guys, just him. About college? Benny's graduated. He doesn't need to go to college. Maybe they were discussing graduating college, because SSgt McGuire's daughter just graduated too. From Pensacola Christian College. They've got a great nursing program. Really affordable. Really weird and legalistic, which I don't like, but it's a good school. (I overheard some of the conversation, part of it I'm just repeating what Benny told me when he got in the car). Sunday night everybody was crabbing and fighting. Laura has a one track mind and this time was trying to convince me go to some Georgia college because of Campus Outreach. She was thinking of me, she wanted to help me out. She just got back from Beach Project with Campus Outreach which was awesome. "Laura, I don't care about Campus Outreach." I've never been that connected to Campus outreach, but have been loosely connected basically since Benny started being discipled by Big A. Maybe it's because "Salz" is taken, and I'm a little brother. I don't know, but it's just never really clicked. Anyhow, she kept on listing off 10 good reasons I should go there. To me, her only reason was Campus Outreach was on campus there and she was trying to find other reasons to get me there, because of C.O. AHHHHH!!! LAURA. SHUT UP! mom, calmly next to me. "scottttt, you can't say shut up to Laura, that's rude, and offensive and unkind (something to that extent." "I know, but Laura, just shut up." (reasoning with her doesn't help, and I was maxed out. and crabby.) I never do this, but after I apologized to Laura quickly, because I knew I was wrong, I left. I drove away. Mom was trying to help me look for colleges, but I couldn't take it anymore. Being the good mother she is, she called me later, "Scott, I looked at Pensacola, and it looks really good." It's got some weird quirks, but it looks good, and the nursing program is accredited.

Alright, I'm going to do this. What do I need to do? Transfer to an AF base down there. Google search: Air Force Reserve Bases, FL. First Answer: 10.1 hours away, opposite part of the state. Aww, Peas. I guess I COULD do it. Georgia's probably closer than THAT. Went to the Air Force Reserves sites. ALL Reserve Bases. Egland. 1 Hour, 10 minutes away. Heck, some guys drive from South Dakota for drill in MN. That's nothing! Gosh, I know somebody was praying for me, but who would be praying for me? Wait, who was sitting on my left? was it Prater? nope.. hmmm. The thought passed, and I forgot about it.

Thursday August 7th. After group. Jeff Dreblow comes and sits next to me. "Hey Scott, I really struggle praying for people. Like in my small group, I pray for the guy the 1st day. And I'm really bad at being consistent." At first I was like "what the heck would inspire such a confession?" *ZOIP* it hit me. I got REALLY excited!! I WAS LIKE OH MY GOSH!!!!!! and he continued and was like but for some reason it was on my heart to pray for you every day. JEFF... And I told him.

God answered my plea for help. This was the prayer request I shared with the guys a week before, which Jeff prayer for. Okay. I'm 22, most people my age are graduated with a 4 year degree. I haven't applied to any community colleges for this fall yet, I've slacked. The nursing programs are so competitive, that there's a waiting list anyhow, so it probably won't be for years. I feel lack of purpose, direction, and like I'm going to end up never doing anything. I have no "one pure and holy passion." I AM slothful in Zeal and am NOT fervent in spirit. That's as much as I remember, that and the fact that I know I whined more, and knew it. oh. THAT AND the fact that my head and heart don't connect like they should.

Because my prayers were answered, my faith is increased. It's as if God's like, here. Believe! in your Heart! I'm certainly a Doubting Thomas. And He's showing me his scars. It's Me.

I'm not posting this until I know everything else though. But I wanted to record the story as fresh as I could remember, though I'll still remember it in years.

Okay. I'm back a few days later. I'm scrambling about filling out forms, this afternoon I'll go the the base here and take care of transferring down to Fl. This is the tricky thing for summer and Christmas. Hopefully they'll let me do "courtesy drills" up here during the summer, but some places don't like doing them.

I'm going to miss my family, especially Benny, who is the best brother in the world.
It will be hard to depart my small group with Andys and Tommy.
I'm going to miss being in the family's small group- the Huertas, Petersons and Wymans.
I'm going to miss wearing NOT sweater vests. = P
But I feel like this is a God thing, so I'm not worried.

I'm looking forward to seeing everybody this Winter.

Pepsicola Probable Potential Pupil,
-Scotty

spontaneous friday morning post. I posted the picture justbecause I was listening to Pandora yesterday, and was like WOAH. He still looked COOL. So try to follow my thought processes if you dare...

the king of pop, before. how cool would he be if he still looked like this?! personally, regardless of his ridiculousness, I stil think he's an incredible dancer/singer. what God given talent. that would be sweet to be a street entertainer and perform his songs (like the guy we saw in peru). what changes a man to turn into such a weirdo? money? pride? fear of man? he seems almost extra-human to me, just because of how freakish his appearance has become, but he's got a soul. he's an eternal being just like every other person we'll ever see. that's something that i need to be constantly reminded of. I almost always treat stupid people just like they are. they're rude, obnoxious, selfish, etc. I treat them like that. I'm like the dude in the parable who's been forgiven 200,000 YEARS wages, and strangles the guy who owes him 100 DAYS wages. there's lots of things I could say to "justify" myself, but really who am I kidding. If I had what Jesus did on the cross for me at all times, or even MORE often for than I do now that matter. "Who can be arrogant next to the cross?". Or for that matter, who can not forgive? My little sense of justice that forgets about eternity demands that immediate correction is realized. Yet the many times I've done the exact same thing, I feel that I should be forgiven.

Should I be?

Master Luke had good thoughts on this last night, as did others. A habitual sin that we mess up on continually? Well, who are we kidding. Almost every sin we do, with different "symptoms" I suppose. For example, when I'm feeling depressed, my escapes are sleeping, movies, buying stuff. Some people eat food. Escapes? or Quick "fixes". So basically I do something to make myself feel happy for that moment. But the problem isn't that I'm feeling depressed, the problem is that I'm not finding my joy in Christ or treasuring Him. Probably not even thinking about Him, or maybe thinking He doesn't like me right now. I need to get my act together, once I'm "close to Him" on my own legalistic strength, I can come to Him again.

I need to be reminded of the Gospel daily.

He came for sinners. Who is not included in that category?! Who deserves to be saved of ALL their sin? Who's filthy rags can merit just ONE sin being forgiven?! The fact that the they exist is only because of Him in the first place. Further indebtedness. And it's NOT bad news! It's the best news EVER! What if my salvation was up to me? This is the difference of Christianity and all other religions. I liked what Hannah said. She says her habitual sin keeps her on her face before God. This is the cooorecct reponse. For it is by Grace you have been saved, by faith and this not of yourselves. It is a gift of God, not by works so that no one can boast. And He remains faithful.

Straining Toward the Goal

Philippians 3:12
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.

-Scotty

Green Eyes.

Emma.
I chose poorly, I thought the contrast of the green and red would be sweet, but it's just a bad color for skin. oh well. her eyes are pretty, which was kind of the main point.

Chum 3 and Chum 2
Esteban and Jack

Emma.

I listened to a Tim Keller sermon titled "How to Change" on Galatians 5:22 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."

What does spitting it back do for anybody else? probably not that much, but it helps me process it, to understand more of it better (I'm adding some of my own thoughts too, anything that's not awesome is probably my thought :)

Change in the Christian life is like fruit. You can never see fruit grow on a tree. It's so gradual, so subtle, and takes so long. BUT it happens! We know it happens! EVEN in the WINTER it grows. It looks dead. for a LONG time (especially here). But it's growing.

Fruit. Not Fruits. They're "symmetrical" It's easy to fake one or to have one but it not be a fruit of the spirit. There are "sweethearts" that even if they weren't Christians would still be sweethearts, that's just their personality. Tim Keller had a "companion" fruit for each fruit. Like the exact opposite... I'll probably listen to it again.

and the fruit is the fruit of the SPIRIT. He does it in us. we don't do it. like a seed, we can prepare the soil, water and such, but God grows the plant. If there's a dead seed, you can do everything PERFECTLY, and nothing will happen. It won't grow. Anyhow. better not drift too far with my own analogies, because they all break down, but the ones in the Bible all have a good point to make, and are God's word, so you can't mess.

I've gotta get back to work now. I think I'll listen to the sermon again, and revise this.

keep pressing on!!
-Scotty

Got Content?

As I dressed my sister's doll in cute clothing, I thought to myself, I want to get married and have daughters when I grow up. This was also the point in my life when I didn't see why I couldn't marry my mom. (I think I was about 7)(Also I was incredibly ashamed of playing with dolls [actually looking back it was more accessorizing], because dudes ain't supposed to. And my sister would use it against me when my friends were over) I learned a few things since, but the desire to have a woman to love for the rest of my life has not.
Yet I've also never seriously considered marrying anyone, or even getting married, or what that would look like for me. But that's not my concern at the moment.

I think besides my relationship with Christ and doing his will, marriage will be the best thing on this Earth. I know this is an arguable point, but I that also is not what I'm getting at. After hearing Mark Batluck put it so simple and straightforward, it has been on my mind since. And also my smallgroup leader challanged us with a thought from a friend of his on Luke 14:15-35, specifically verse 20.

Still another said, "I just got married, I can't come."

Batty's point was this: You're discontent in your singleness? You don't need a girlfriend/boyfriend, or even simply be more content being single forever, you need Jesus. He went on to other things besides relationships, such as money, possessions,
and any other longings or desires. Whatever the thing is I want, getting it wont make me happy, I need Jesus, not that thing. A good example of this is a kid who gets a sweeto new toy. There is no toy that I've ever wanted that I still LOVE now. My starwars guys are cool. and in a box somewhere. But everything besides Jesus deteriorates in value.

One Life, Twill soon be past, only what's done for Christ will last

The Luke passage: His friend said this, it sounds very harsh.

"A honeymoon can lead to Hell."

[If I wanted a catchy title like Gabby always has (but hers actually relate) I would've used this one. It kind of relates, but my post is nothing profound or new.]
Anyhow, he was saying the same thing, don't idolize marriage, and put off your relationship with Jesus, or put it as anything other than number one priority.

K Dau said that ultimately, it's not about my happiness, but God's glory. I want a marriage that Glorifies Him.

But I was thinking today. About how boring work is, which continued... The same old thing every day. I love it sometimes, but others it can get excessively tedious. If I'm fully satisfied in Christ, and He is everything to me, then I should be joyful at work, and when I'm bored. And when I'm having the most fun ever with my friends. It should be an overflowing of joy from Jesus that gets me excited. And that's my prayer for myself and my friends. That their lives will be so joyfilled by Christ's love for them, among other things, and not fufilled by things of this world, or tried to be neither.

keep fighting soldier [though more appealing to guys, that's for girls too = )]
-Scotty

The head nurse at our clinic posted this on my "wall" (where my name and picture is, plus a fish that gets little fish stickers on it when i do an extraordinary job) other than one of my FAVORITE nicknames as a child *ahem ben* it's a very useful doll. make sure you don't leave the store without one!

I interpret this as: ”If your eyeball flies out of your head through the window and bursts into flames, DO NOT use your IPOD”

I found this on some random blog trying to find an airplane sign for Junior High camp before Sunday! (yikes!) Made me laugh.

Currently Reading: The Reason For God by Timothy Keller

Though I'm in a state of "meh." this book is still pretty incredible. Some of my favorite quotes/lines from it thus far...

Christians, then, should expect to find nonbelievers who are much nicer, kinder, wiser, and better than they are. Why? Christian believers are not accepted by God because of their moral performance, wisdom, or virtue, but because of Christ's work on their behalf. Most religions and philosophies of life assume that one's spiritual status depends on your religious attainments. This naturally leads adherents to feel superior to those who don't believe and behave as they do. The Christian gospel, in any case, should not have that effect.

as C.S. Lewis puts it eloquently:

Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; locki it up save in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation.

Christian theology also speaks of the seriously flawed character of real Christians. A central message of the Bible is that we can only have a relationship with God by sheer grace. Our moral efforts are too feeble and falsely motivated to ever merit salvation. Jesus, through his death and resurrection, has provided salvation for us, which we receive as a gift. All churches believe this in one form or another. Growth in character and changes in behavior occur in a gradual process after a person becomes a Christian. The mistaken belief that a person must "clean up" his or her own life in order to merit God's prescence is not Christianity. This means, though, that the church will be filled with immature and borken people who still have a long way to go emotionally, morally, and spiritually. As the saying has it: "The church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints."

Jesus conducts a major critique of religion. His famous Srmon on the Mount (Matthew chapter 5, 6, and 7) does not criticize irreligious people, but rather religious ones. In his famous discourse the people he criticizes pray, give to teh poor, and seek to live according to the Bible, but they do so in order to get acclaim and power for themselves... ...This makes them judgemental and condemning, quick to give criticism, and unwilling to take it. They are fanatics. ... The God of Jesus and the prophets, however, saves completely by grace. He cannot be manipulated by religious and moral perfomrance--he can only be reached through repentance, through the giving up of power. If we are saved by sheer grace we can only become grateful, willing servents of God and of everyone around us.

convicting for me, mr. super pharisee... and a good reminder.

i must stuff charts for tomorrow's appointments now. goodnight.